Uncertainty

Have you ever wondered what is the most scariest thing that truly make you cant sleep at night or perhaps those feeling that makes you scared and worry.

To some it could be the boogie man underneath the bed, the ghost in the closet, standing outside waiting to be call into the interview room or perhaps waiting at the hospital lobby waiting for love one at the operating table.

The real thing that scares you is not the outcome, but it is the uncertainty.

We all go through various scenario that at times scared the shit out of you, it just the question of, to what degree? the degree depend on the risk that the outcome may effect your norm or your life.

I am scared shit most of the time, the only thing is i don't really shows it. Even as simple as giving a presentation on stage, it does make me nervous although i am used to it. When i am on such situation of beyond nervous, friends around ,will generally notice it through how i present myself, so the usual word is "dude, you look stress". I would normally smile and yes, say i got so much things on my mind.

And in all honesty , yes i do. Other than family, dreams , hope, projects and work, i got so much to think of. Most of it, i just like to keep it to myself as it is pretty personal. Nevertheless, i am pretty good with prioritizing and carry a healthy mindset of "i dont give a shit attitude". Unfortunately, most if not all of the thing that i am involve in is interconnected to one another. Hence, my mind never stop thinking on various matter as those interconnected stuff is things i give a shit about.

On other hand, i have the knack for problem solving, i love it , to a point it is pretty addictive and in all honesty i am bloody good at it. In my whole entire personal life and career that is what i do, people come to me to fix things, family, personal friends, business associates , clients , client friends, politicians, associations, government agencies, etc.

I guess i am pretty good at solution / problem tree , it is as if i can visualized it in my head when a situation is place in front of me. if the situation has no relation to me or affecting me, i can visualized the solution pretty fast and come up with various strategy to achieved the end goal.

But there are some things that i wish i can fix. These troubles me.

Over the past several month and until last weekend , two person that i cared a lot about has left the world. There were beyond than just friends, they were my mentors and were like elder brothers to me. Between 3 of us , we were family.

Whenever we hang out, the conversation is always explosive , exciting and brilliant. Between three of us, we were all a strategist, but each carries a special know how. One was an idealist, where everything is possible. The other were a realist , where possibility is gauge by what variable at play and i always played the role to connect the dots, bring in acceptable solutions and execute the process.

Between us , we always debate about ideas and strategy yet we always end up agreeing to something as we are always clear with our objectives. It has always been about not winning an argument but getting winning executable ideas.
However we also had our moments, we have this unique yet funny process of how to go about with disagreement, thinking about it brings smile on those good memories. Anyway, It was the best partnership and more so the best unique friendship that was ever build, those of unlikely friendship turn to brothers for life.

i truly learn a lot from of them who it me will be my forever life mentor. One taught me about patience, work ethics and social politics. The other taught me about discipline, sharpen my business acumen and analytical thinking. One was a business tycoon, the other was a brilliant senior civil servant. Both, were at 25 - 30 years older than me. One meet me for the first time when i was 26 years old the other met me 3 years later.

They were my MBA's that i have always dream of taking. The kind of streetwise MBA that is priceless

Once in shanghai, they told me the reason why they liked me from the start is that i have always been honest with my opinion and not scared to defend and argued my thoughts. They were the one who show me my true strength as a person. I will always be indebted to them both for all their life lessons.

In the earlier days, we have this strange relationship of calling each other in the midnight and chat about business or ideas or strategy or solution building for 3 - 4 hours. While the other, we would meet up at the coffee shop at midnight and chat till dawn.

Months before each of their passing, the conversation was less as the focus was on their health and i continue on with the business operation as i was trusted on to focus at.

Going through photos of all our travel and time spend, i just realized 3 of us never took photo together. I guess, in our mind, we were too focus at our dreams and thinking that we will always meet as we will be working on the project together for a long time.

Both of them were my wings, now that their gone. what begin to rise since last weekend is..... uncertainty.

Like all uncertainty i met in the past, i will face it with courage, determination and faith, knowing that everything happen for a reason.

I know you both think that i have graduated quite some time back from this school of life, but without you guys around. i know that it will be different, if feels different. It ain't the same.

May both your soul rest in peace. You know what, I miss you guys already. Thank you for believing in me.