Differences

We are all different.

It can be hazardous to be so.

It is also pathetic to see how hard some people try to be different, yet so many end up conforming anyway. Just look at fashion! I saw a cynical poster on the internet the other day where it said “we are all unique, just like snowflakes”. Yet it is ultimately true, isn’t it?

I remember how schoolkids would bully others who may be smaller or different in other ways. South African schools bred conformity into their students – hair, uniforms, conduct and so on. Why? Easier to control the kids? Or to create an environment that is conducive to learning? However too many times have I seen teachers who are far too intolerant of kids who do not quite fit into the mould.

Also what about kids who have different goals to what their parents want? Sometimes I wonder if I am guilty of this? When one encourages one’s child, I suppose caution must be exercised not to push too far…

Yet even though in many modern societies, it is claimed that differences are treasured, there are too many groups who feel threatened when there are non-conformists in their midst.

But are we really tolerant of differences? What about our own families? If a child decides to follow a path different to their family, tremendous friction can ensue. Have we not seen tragedies where children can even be killed? This does not only happen in terms of “honour killings” but in many cultures. I think that some of the most painful differences must be related to culture and faith.

In South Africa, the Afrikaner nation had tremendous cohesion, in terms of religion, culture and politics, the movement was called Afrikaner Nationalism. The Boer War and the British concentration camps where many women and children died had caused great hatred towards Britain. Their religious leaders fought fiercely against the Anglicisation of the Afrikaner language and culture. Their great drive was to be separate from the British Empire. I remember my Dad telling me a story from the time when South Africa became a republic in 1961. He was riding in a lift with another woman who was a stranger. She exclaimed to my Dad, “we are free!”, my Dad was puzzled and asked her “free from what?”. Her response gave my Dad many a chuckle for the rest of his life; she said “free from the filthy British!” while punching her fist in the air.

Differences were frowned upon, but cracks started to show as time went by; in the 1980’s, the NG Kerk (church) accepted that Apartheid was a sin. This caused a great deal of anger and resentment amongst many Afrikaans people. Politics also developed serious rifts. Differences that were never previously tolerated became more open.

Skin colour in South Africa is still a great difference, seldom did I see integration in my youth, but now it is becoming quite common place. The Black communities are against racial integration also, why should that be surprising? Whites think that it is a privilege for any black person to be involved with a white person, absolute nonsense! There are many important traditions and cultures that Black communities treasure and want to protect, why not?

Of course the key is tolerance. No one has any right to physically harm another. It angers me when I see intimidation and violence because some communities are not prepared to accept another’s differences.

Africa, in general, has an appalling record of violence against gay people. Here in South Africa, I know that “corrective rape” is practised against lesbian women in many townships. The logic of the brutes is to teach women to be hetrosexual. Really? Their cruelty is as great as their stupidity.

In America, after the last elections where Donald Trump became President of the United States, the political differences seem to have become severe. I don’t know if one can really trust the media anymore but there is a lot of aggression shown in the media. To be different carries a risk of intimidation, mockery and even violence. News seems to have deteriorated from reporting on a basis of “facts” to more “opinion orientated”. Is it my imagination?

So lip service to an ideal is empty until it becomes part of our inner values and conduct. Just because you are different does not mean that my values should be threatened. Just because you are different does not mean you are wrong and I am right. Our foundations of belief and conduct do not depend upon others doing the same thing.

Celebrate the diversity of life!