Tears

On Sunday, Michele and I dropped off Tanith and Shae back at Pretoria University for the last time as students.

When we see them in a month’s time they will no longer be students. Respectively they will be a doctor and a lawyer. Can time fly so quickly? Six years for Tanith and four years for Shae.

This past year has been the most difficult year of my life, even my fight against a spinal tumour pales into insignificance. It has been the most foolish of enterprises, a middle class family, maybe even a lower class family in terms of wealth, attempting to put all four girls through a prestigious full time university in South Africa. Our finances are now a complete shambles but was the struggle worth it?

Yes, it certainly was and Michele and I would not change one iota of it. Our dream has been to give our girls the gift of freedom and independence. Too many times have I seen women abandoned and divorced, they are destitute and have very little opportunities to repair their lives into a semblance of normalcy. This fate will not belong to the future of my girls, I do want them to enjoy the beauty of a married life, but the choice is theirs. If things go sour in an inconceivable unwanted future, they will be able to retain dignity and independence.

So two of my girls have gone through some extremely difficult times, apart from the desperate financial battles to eat, to organise lifts, to buy necessary text books, and clothe themselves, they have had to keep on studying even when the Old Man could die at any moment. It was also dreadful times for all the other family members but the older two girls were away at university, alone.

Tanith seemed the stronger outwardly and her marks maintained their high standard but years later we found out about the professional therapy she underwent. Shae on the other hand is an “emotionally holistic person” – ie she is what she feels. Her second academic year was a disaster, yet later on when it seemed fairly certain that I would survive, she fought back in her third year. She passed all her third year subjects and caught up and passed all her second year subjects as well. Absolutely amazing and incredible. Now the last stages of their final years are being completed.
The battle is not close to being over, Kiera is completing her first year of a teaching degree at Pretoria University and my youngest Maeve is completing grade ten. But we are seeing some daylight ahead in this dark tunnel and we know it is not an oncoming train!

Tribute must be given to the University itself and even to the Government. Loans have been made available that have eased the struggle, admittedly only portions of these huge bills are covered but every bit helps. Even our Church has made loans available through a fund called the “Perpetual Education Fund”; I know the purpose of this fund is ultimately to help poor young people in the Church obtain a trade but we have been fortunate to be eligible to receive these loans also. I know that these loans must be repaid but we are buying time and future opportunities for the girls.

There was even a distant “sort of” relative who gave over a quarter of a million rand to help with no strings attached. Quite remarkable, when I tried to thank him, he just seemed embarrassed and changed the subject.

So we have also taken an extension on the bond, I have to go back soon and try again.

I certainly doubt we are the only family who struggles like this, I mentioned in a previous article dealing with family struggles in “the fees must fall campaign”. How many black kids with poor schooling opportunities get some bits of loans and their families send them off to university. How these kids have no accommodation and have to sleep in parks or abandoned buildings. How they have to beg for food and try to study at the same time. Some fail and are unable to raise themselves leaving their families with huge debts that they have no means of repaying.

It is sad that I only see them because of my own struggles.

So as we drove home in a borrowed company vehicle that is going to cost us more ill afforded money, we shed some tears together, our future surprise picnics for the girls will not be attended by all. Their pending careers will take them away from our family, time moves on, time waits for no man. Yet these tears were not only sad tears but tears of gratitude, amazement and relief.

[my girls at a picnic]

When life is a struggle and you somehow get through, life becomes sweet. The journey is far from over but this past weekend is like D-Day with our struggle. We, like the Allies, have landed on the beaches of France, the tide of war has turned in our favour, Europe will be freed.

Hope has been re-born and courage renewed.