loss often brings a need for writing, putting in words how we feel and how we felt.

I kind of suffocated inside my own particular body, blood and tears.

That was the truly poetic line.

In English, when we say somebody "kicked the bucket", it is slightly imsulting of the person who died. We only use it for people we do not like, never about a loved one. I am certain you did not mean to make it sound the way you did.

Your post is only 3 days old, I think you can still edit it, if you want to.