Tear Drops: Part One.

Massive shout out to @surpassinggoogle for this amazing initiative which gives a whole lot of new perspective to how we should view our tears.

This post isn't intended to gather pity. In fact, i am stronger and it is not for show to conceal, it is just for you to have a peek into my life and see how i have come and maybe, just maybe, you will be able to understand why i do the things i do and how i am this way. I have been down many times, i wouldn't want anyone to go down that way without being there for them. I have learned that the more you talk about an issue, the more the effect wears out on you. The more you shed tears, the more the pain slips through your tears. Have you ever seen some people cry over broken heart and after they are done, they just totally feel a little better? It goes with time. If you see me being playful, naughty and always laughing, it is because my perspective has changed.

I know i have been hurt
Sometimes deeply cut
I drip blood not yoghurt
You can see my tears in litre
It is not to make me bitter
But to make me better. - Olawalium.

I grew up knowing what it means to lose someone. I love my family so much and we are always tight. We laugh, gist and do everything together until we lost our only sister; the third born, (i am the fourth; last born) and everyone was torn to shred at heart. I remembered when she came home after she had been at the hospital for 2 months or so, the excitement and joy and i practically ran to the gate when dad came with her. I have been waiting for her to come ever since dad drove to pick her. The joy knew no bound until she relapsed again after a week or so too when she got home. I was young, i didn't really know the details of her ailment and till date, i never bothered to ask, not even from my brothers (i don't know how they deal with their own pain and i am not about to open the cans for them and bring feelings back to the surface), but we do miss her. We always celebrate her birthday; December 31st and death; May 16th every year.

Many people don't understand why i am always drawn to ladies. I love having them around. I am not using them to feel the void, no, (i value my friends so much), but because i have seen how amazing ladies are, with my sister. We are so playful and always laughing together. We even shared the same room but separate bed space. Most of my friends are 75% ladies. I can see through her how fragile, smart, industrous and amazing ladies are. I duff my hat for you all, you are the real MVP!
It was from her i started noticing smiles. She smiled so beautifully and she is too calm, too calm. I have never, i mean, never for once seen her angry. She even follow us around, so you can imagine how devastated we were when she passed! It shook dad, more so, mum. I was broken but it raised a desire in me to see that every lady is appreciated.

@oredebby asked me few days ago how come i always use sweet words for everyone, and i told her; "I always want every lady to know how adorable they are". Pain has a way of transforming you and change your perspectives to things and it depends on your approach and what you choose to allow. Life will either bless you or bury you. I turned my pain into strength but it wasn't an easy journey. I cried. I missed her. I shed tears. Have you ever cried so much that your tears are so hot? Have you ever cried so much that your strength failed and hunger fled? Have you ever cried so much that you wish life would stop in an instant and everything end? Have you ever cried that you even expect the impossible for that moment like I imagined her waking up at internment and seeing everyone flee, scared, while i just don't care, and i rush to hold her again (as long as i have her back).

She had so much life in her. She was easily loved by everyone. Her sweetness and awesomeness rubbed off on me and i am glad to do even more good as a reminder to her amazing heart and personality. Everything i do is to God's glory, and i also want to do them to remind myself how she would have been if she was here. Nobody talked about her afterwards and i knew it wasn't healthy. I talked about her in my numerous poems and write ups, and i am talking about her now. The more i did, the easier it gets but then there are some people who can never really leave your heart but you get to the point where talking about them doesn't break you down anymore even if you still shed some tear drops.

I will stop here. So many memories rushing in but then i think of now and i smile. I have part two and three to come which will be about dad and then mum respectively. Thank you for reading.

Still me,
Olawalium: (Love's chemical content in flesh). Take a dose today; doctor's order!.

@surpassinggoogle has been a wonderful person and supportive of #SteemitDiversify and #untalented and now #teardrops. Please support him as a witness by voting him at https://steemit.com/~witnesses and type in "steemgigs" at the first search box.

If you want to give him witness voting decisions on your behalf, visit https://steemit.com/~witnesses again and type in "surpassinggoogle" in the second box as a proxy.

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