Terrors from the Subconscious

tristancarax (66) in tellastorytome • 5 years ago (edited)

View this post on Hive: Terrors from the Subconscious

5 years ago by tristancarax (66)

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prydefoltz (65) · 5 years ago

Coming through the phone, a black tongue licked at the sweat that had pooled in his ear from the long sprint down the cities sidewalk toward the cave, even tickling the tips of his ear hairs.

That was great touch.

I am left with so many questions. A great action-packed snippet but I would hae love to have the mythology behind this tale unpacked a little more. Also some levels would have been nice. It was all go-go and I think a little contrast would have made the go-go more effective.

You do have a way with action:)

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tristancarax (66) · 5 years ago

Thanks for the tip. That part of the writing has been difficult for me. I will be working on your suggestions.

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prydefoltz (65) · 5 years ago

More details dialogue is one way to go. Also set the scene first and then begin the narrative. Have your character do things in everyday life that tells us more about him. Just some suggestions.

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tristancarax (66) · 5 years ago

If you're willing and you are an editor, I'd love to set up put this piece into google docs and work on making this piece better than it is. I'm willing to get us SBI for your time. If this interests you, send me your email here or PM through discord under tristancarax.

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prydefoltz (65) · 5 years ago

Alas ... so busy right now. But I can recommend the website writerscafe. They often have writers who are looking for exchange type things. It was a great place to do some workshopping back in the day:)

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curie (76) · 5 years ago

Hi tristancarax,

This post has been upvoted by the Curie community curation project and associated vote trail as exceptional content (human curated and reviewed). Have a great day :)

Visit curiesteem.com or join the Curie Discord community to learn more.

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tristancarax (66) · 5 years ago

You guys are awesome. Thanks for the support @curie!!!

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angelro (58) · 5 years ago

This story taken me back to good old school days when reading such horror stuffs were felt like adventurous, a matter of discussion to show the mates next day to prove that I was not afraid of reading such stories.

Thanks for posting this, lovely one and writing is an inborn talent and special gift by Almighty to write stories, poems etc...

Keep writing more and more...

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tristancarax (66) · 5 years ago

Haha - And how did that work out for you, the proving that you weren't afraid?

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angelro (58) · 5 years ago

Haha..that question ....little difficult to answer, but I remember some challenges within our friends circle to come out of the home late in the night alone, and also to stay in front of a cemetery on no moon day for 5 minutes, watching a horror movie without any one accompanying etc...

Hahaha..good old days, I am smiling while I writes this now

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tristancarax (66) · 5 years ago

You crack me up.

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steemitboard (66) · 5 years ago

Congratulations @tristancarax! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :

You received more than 30000 upvotes. Your next target is to reach 35000 upvotes.

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Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness to get one more award and increased upvotes!

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delishtreats (70) · 5 years ago

Your story made me shiver. I'm not that much into dark stories but I like this one as he was very strong and he fought the shadow and survived. I just wonder if his son is dead already or if he has a chance to save him..

Thank you for sharing and have a lovely day!

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tristancarax (66) · 5 years ago

You and I both have the same question. Should I go back and add to this piece we might find that out.

Thanks for stopping by.

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iamsaray (65) · 5 years ago

I hope and I wish you keep writing horror stories, let me tell you that I love to read this genre since the suspense attracts me a lot, writings like this deserve applause!!

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tristancarax (66) · 5 years ago

It's funny how this one came about. I actually wrote the couple paragraphs about a month before this prompt came out. I was having some horrible shit going through my mind that needed to be written out. I've struggled with writing for this contest due to creating straight from scratch. I really liked the first couple of paragraphs so I used them for this piece.

Man, I undercut myself as a writer way too much. This platform is helping me see that.

I'm so very happy that you enjoyed this piece. Thanks for stopping by.

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iamsaray (65) · 5 years ago

I'm happy to know that my words cause something good, hopefully you'll do well from today!

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gaby-crb (59) · 5 years ago

You like your metaphors in this story. Great horror twist on the prompt. Left me wondering whether his son is dead or alive. And I want to know more about these darkelves, hopefully your future stories will give us more.

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tristancarax (66) · 5 years ago

I'm thinking more and more about the world I'm creating from all of the stories I've created thus far here on steemit. Some of my next challenges to come for myself will be to play around with the small worlds I've created and give some of them more life.

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wakeupkitty (75) · 5 years ago

For me this was a hard to read story, less left for my own imagination.

Posted using Partiko Android

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tristancarax (66) · 5 years ago

Thanks for your honesty. Maybe you wouldn't mind elaborating to give me something to think about.

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agmoore2 (63) · 5 years ago

Well, That was certainly vivid. Rather gruesome (you know me), but I did like the way you carried the theme of polar opposites throughout: light and dark, good and evil, fear and courage. And I always like it when the bad guys lose :)

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tristancarax (66) · 5 years ago

This is not one that I'd ask you to edit as I know that this is not your cup of tea. 8-)

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agmoore2 (63) · 5 years ago

😁
You're right. I stopped watching Sons of Anarchy and Narcos with my husband because they were too violent. Happy to say he didn't enjoy them as much without me :)

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riottales (53) · 5 years ago

This is a really cool and dark story! Great work!

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tristancarax (66) · 5 years ago

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bananafish (61) · 5 years ago

Damn tris this is a sense driven opening, going for that shudder! I sincerely enjoyed some of these descriptions, the way you play with and contrast the repulsive against something like little bo peep, using it against us for a great sense of that slow dawning horror, that isn’t a blood bath, but instead the slow drip that can stay with us so much longer. Your descriptions are just getting so good, some of these i could actually feel

The air within him escaped his lungs like a dam breaking through small holes.
Just so palpable!

To bath in the light, he had to face the dark. I really really enjoyed this one, damn i want more time to work with you. I really love the way you have two ends of the poles here, but equally as great as the distance is between them, you highlight, it isn’t so great. As fear is just one deep breath away from courage, darkness is one deep breath away from light, is he one of them? It feels like he might be one of them, having shed their ways, refusing to live by their rules, and being hounded by them for it. They took his son, they will never stop coming for him, but he won’t ever stop either, the same two ends, but a hair's width apart. As different as we are the same. I have read this one a lot of times, and to be honest, the impact of it didn’t hit me so much the first time, but once it did I loved it. The idea of this being a dark elf, who just doesn’t want to be one of them any more, who just wants to live his own life, and do his own thing, but the way you have framed it, so it can be related to in any way, it very well done.

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