A frustration which is longstanding and irresolvable.
We cannot know for sure what is true but there is a need to reach for it, to seek it. To desire a degree of honest clarity. Clarity which is not manufactured or invented, honed or manipulated, polished or constructed--but naturally occurring. The truth which is true without our interference.
A long time ago I came to a conclusion that every idea comes wrapped in a choice. 'To accept what is comfortable or or to seek what is true, because you can seldom have both.' -That most popular ideas, are comforting ideas, and there is an awful lot which stands between you and truth in that guise of comfort. Tribalism, dogma, consensus, need, hope, expediency, generalizations--these are the sculptor's tools for taking an opaque bit of rock transforming it to appear clear.
What I've come to realize over the years is that you can NEVER have both. That acceptance of an idea IS the act of polishing it. As soon as you take on an idea, handle it, examine it, your mind is already working to clean off the dust, turn the cracks away from your eye, and squint, so that 'in the right light, it looks pretty transparent to me.' This is the nature of the animal.
We are built to avoid expending unnecessary energy. To husband our resources. To walk a while, until we find a cozy spot to lay down and rest. To transform our surroundings to make them suitable to us. Find the simple way that works and then carve a track in the ground with our feet, removing any sharp stones until the path is smooth and fitted to our soles.
I have only ever grown with discomfort. Ease is stasis. The human is a natural sculptor and I suddenly notice my hands are full of tools, polishing, removing the flaws. Clarifying the formerly opaque stone. As soon as I am conscious of them, they must be dropped. Place the sharp stone back in the shoe and begin walking. Distrust the path.
The frustration is longstanding and irresolvable.