I misread nothing. My advice to you, especially if you have children, is to research the cause of low self-esteem, narcissism, and the effects on children of having/not having unconditional love. Otherwise there is a strong chance that one of your children will end up like your sister.
I'm happily married and have a beautiful, well-adjusted adult daughter, who chose an awesome boyfriend, aced all her exams, is an accomplished musician and a singer song writer. She's a credit to herself and to the way I raised her with unconditional love.
As a teen she told me that she loved me every day, because she would recognise negative traits in her class mates, that she'd had as a child, but that I had kindly, but repeatedly pointed out, until she stopped. The result is that she is kind, compassionate and has amazing leadership skills, but she does not require constant validation i.e.people to tell her how amazing she is, and agree with everything she says and does.
My advice is freely given, take it or leave it. Keep responding to your sister in the same old way, that doesn't work! And pretend that you are a perfect hero and your sister is useless.
Everyone in the comments agrees with you, so your views must be right, and the one dissenter, well, I know nothing about her, but she must have issues - right?
Not everyone responds the same way to the same treatments. We're all individuals and what works for one, doesn't always work for another.
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So, if you know that then why keep responding to your sister like you are the hero and she is so less than?
Anyway, your sister isn't a sociopath, so she would eventually respond to unconditional love, if you could gain her trust. That is what we are talking about here.
What never changes is the core reasons why people behave in a certain ways, so I can say with certainty that your sister makes life plans with abusive people because she believes that she deserves no better.
Where did she come up with the belief that she is so undeserving? The answer is always that it was implanted there when she was a child, mostly by adults.
Child psychology isn't rocket science, and people can change with the right input to change their preconceptions, but if you keep clinging to black and white beliefs like: you're the successful child and she's the failure then, of course, nothing will change.
Of course, changing how you see her also means changing how you see yourself. The question is: are you willing to do that to help your sister and her kids, or do you enjoy your hero status way too much?
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