Why you Mother, I oughta...

It is the hardest thing you will ever do. In my opinion you must be prepared, even if you're not.
You have to fake it until you make it? Or do you?
It's so fucking hard to be a parent. It's also the most rewarding thing in the world. The relationship between you and your child is pretty much up to you.

If I am constantly flipping out over every thing my daughter does "wrong" (which when I was married was WAY more than it is now) I would LITERALLY get nothing done, especially through to my daughter!!

My daughter is a very spirited, outgoing, and voisterous spitfire of a 4 year old. Since the seperation, we have been working on WORKING TOGETHER.
Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. The one thing that has never worked for me is spanking.
It is just completely chaotic and certainly Nothing is learned or accomplished.

With that being said, I had to start thinking creatively and figure out how to discipline my little girl.

Discipline comes from the word disciple, meaning TO LEARN. The only things learned from yelling and violence, is shame and guilt. I grew up with enough of that, I do not wish to pass it on to my offspring.

If you don't know me, know this about me, my daughter gets it honest. I am extremly outgoing, voisterious, and a spitfire of a woman who can pass for over 10 years younger than I really am(I believe that is largely based on my cheerful and positive attitude). So we often bump heads!!

So it is up to me to control the situation and give her the illusion of control. I must pick my battles and truly don't mind losing them to win the war.

I struggled with this discipline thing for awhile and of course, I totally still do. You see, I didn't want kids AT ALL until I was ready. My clock was ticking hard and I realized what was missing in my life and decided I wanted everything that came with having a child. The good, the bad, the stinky, the messy, the laughs, and the first discoveries.

But then it didn't happen and I broke up with my fiance. Then, I was single for almost 6 years. So then I just said Fuck It and went on the hunt for a baby daddy! I prayed long and hard for a girl. A daughter I can raise to be a strong woman that will make a difference. No matter how big or how small.

After all that shit and it still didn't happen, I threw my fucking hands up to God and let him take the wheel, finally.
Within 2 weeks of that all out pray fest, laying on the ground pleading to my Savior about my purpose in life, I met my ex husband and we started dating and a few months after that, our daughter was born.

I tell my daughter daily that she is loved and she was wanted. And bc of what was happening in my marriage my daughter was getting left behind. The toxic nature of the marriage was spilling over into my ability to parent, as you can imagine.

There is no "I will never flip out again" it is inevitable that that will happen. The challenge is to bounce back, preferably catching myself before it escalates.

I remember when I was not encouraged to be myself as a child by my parents. I was always shushed and told to do other things and be a certain way which was not who I was.
I remember how I prayed for a daughter. Like prayed A LOT and hard!!
I remember when all I wanted was a daughter.

Being a parent is hard fucking work. It takes patience and lots and lots of love. It takes self awareness to realize my own limits and insecurites and not take them out on my daughter. It takes support from others.

I know that being a mom is something I am good at bc I am constantly changing the way I parent with the evolution of my daughter, and I have recently become very aware of how my words and actions affect my daughter in the future.
Being a parent is a very personal thing. You and your children see each other in the most vunerable state. It is just a matter of working through that vunerability to an outcome that is taught and learned by both.

I am a Mother.