Diary entry # 4 / جیؤ اور جینے دو

in thediarygame •  10 months ago 

It's never happened that I've posted twice in a day. Well, the last one was the contest results announcement, so maybe that doesn't count. I have to pen down, else I will explode. Lol, not literally, but my stomach is also kind of giving me a tough time.


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Life teaches us so many things, but never how to react towards certain people or how to not overthink when they are inappropriate. These people, well, they are an integral part of our lives. They can't be avoided; rather, sometimes we share space with them.

Why does it happen that you have to restrain yourself just because of how those around you might feel? But when it comes to them, they wouldn't think twice before saying whatever they want to.

Since childhood, we have been taught to respect elders. And do those elders respect our boundaries? Do they respect our feelings? Do they even bother to think twice before uttering what they feel is their primal right?

Yes, it's a cultural thing here. And then they tend to mix values with religion, as it might fit their convenience.

It frustrates me to my core.

I'm all for respect, help, and whatever else comes with the sense of my behavior towards these elders. I have cultivated the same values in my children. But who will tell these elders that they may also be wrong in their behavior sometimes? They have no right to undermine us just because they have more experience, or worse, give us their examples at each and every step.

They have the most fragile egos, yet they can bulldoze yours with a single sentence. And in the end, they are still the victims because their health is deteriorating; the sudden bursts of anger are attributed to their elevated blood pressure... and everything else that comes with the perks of being elderly, specially prioritizing their perceived entitlement over empathy for others.

I can never understand how they can be discriminatory in their behavior towards certain people. Do their health issues and high blood pressure tend to flare up only in the presence of a few, and how do they behave properly when they know there's no room for otherwise? Yes, it almost always baffles me, this filter they have which guides their tantrums and volatile behavior. And God forbid if they are in a position of power; they show their worst in this trait. It's astonishing how they can act all lovey-dovey towards some special people. So it's not their failing mental and physical health after all!


I never wish to be that elder, if it comes to it, and certainly not the one who, or worse, gives us their examples at each and every step. Maybe my senses and brain will allow me to come back to this diary archive as a reminder to my own self if I start turning into that one. 🤞


Am I being over reactive or overdramatic? What do you think? I feel like I have a tendency to be both at times...


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What must go, must go... ;-))

Respect is one of those things... In the past, in the days of my grandparents and probably my parents too, respect for the elderly was just as much a principle here as it is with you. In my generation, respect became something mutual. I also think that respect should not come naturally, but should be earned. Through behaviour, appearance, attitude...

And it's absolutely okay to disagree respectfully, to make different decisions, to not follow advice... ;-))

What must go, must go... ;-))

Hehe... True.

In my generation, respect became something mutual.

Things are changing here...

But considering the diverse family dynamics we have, the solution ain't that simple. There are so many delicate and intricate relationships, interpersonal dynamics... One can't simply avoid them.

But I agree with you cent percent.

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Experience is not only an advantage. Sometimes people make mistakes and they stay in their memory, becoming part of the experience. Then the person believes that everyone will surely make mistakes just like he once did.

At my job, I was managed by managers who had much more experience than me. It seemed that they had passed everything and could teach anyone a lesson. However, I can go on and on about their extremely stupid decisions. I never understood why this happens.

Oh I can totally relate.
While experience can bring valuable insights, it doesn't guarantee flawless decision-making. And there is no shame in admitting that... But the stubborn bosses!

I never understood why this happens.

No one does really.

Well, if you are overacting or melodramatic, that's what makes the world go 'round 😆

The world goes spinning 😆😆😆

Doesn't it though 😅

It does
Makes me dizzy 😵‍💫

Each nation has its own cultural code. The codes may differ. But usually most of these codes include respect for elders.
I can't give you advice or judge your actions in any way. I can only tell you what I might do myself in a similar situation.
If a senior person I respect insists on something, I will let them do it. But that doesn't mean at all that I will do as he demands. It all depends on the situation.

You're very emotional :)
If we're talking about an old man, it's complicated. He could have accumulated a lot of psychological problems during his life (starting from childhood :).
There is a phrase that helps me sometimes: "A doctor doesn't take offence at the sick" :))))

==================
У каждого народа существует свой культурный код. Коды могут отличаться. Но обычно в большинстве таких кодов прописано уважение к старшим.
Я не могу давать тебе советов или как-то оценивать чти-то действия. Могу только сказать, как могу поступить сам в подобной ситуации.
Если кто-то старший УВАЖАЕМЫЙ мной человек будет на чём-то настаивать, я позволю ему это сделать. Но это совсем не означает, что я буду делать так, как он того требует. Всё зависит от ситуации.

Ты очень эмоциональна :)
Если речь идёт о старом человеке, то тут всё сложно. За свою жизнь он мог накопить много психологических проблем (начиная с детства:)
Есть такая фраза, которая меня иногда выручает: "Доктор на больных не обижается" :))

You're very emotional :)

Thanks for the reality check ✅ 🫣
I agree respectfully :)

The actions won't be judged if the individual isn't biased in their behavior towards different groups of people. Additionally, they are in the later bracket of the elderly (80-plus).

If the individual is relatively younger, of sound mental health, and displays partial disrespect, then I have every right to be pissed (upset).

On the one hand every person is free to express his emotions and it is even useful to keep healthy :))))

But social groups (societies) agree to play by the rules. As a rule, all these rules and agreements limit the personal freedom of each person And there is a conflict of interest in this :)

Hmm...
Interesting, but then rules should be same for all players 🤔

Not all players play by the rules ))

I understand you, I feel sometimes we have to correct those elders because if we don't do they will keep repeating that kind of behavior again and again.
You are not overreacting or being overdramatic, you are saying the harsh truth which elders or many people should understand. They should live and let others live.

More power and happiness to you girl :)

Thank you so much for stopping by.

I agree with you on pointing out their unfair behaviour... But sometimes you are bound by the so called ethics... Ugh...

You are not overreacting or being overdramatic

Awww, that's really reassuring.

More power to you too :)

what you said about toxic elders is so rude
Please say it again

Especially to those toxic elders in extended family who taunt and point out your insecurities in front of everyone.

I don't get it, Don't they have any shame, or it's just fun for them when the subject of discussion is not their own self.

Or self respect and boundries are just for elders and adults should forget about in desi households.

It just makes someone anti social when the cost is their self esteem:(

it's just fun for them when the subject of discussion is not their own self.

See them going all mad and wild when you try to be a little funny with them. 😆 But they wouldn't miss a chance to ridicule you... Then they're so hurt... Hence the fragile egos.

Hence the fragile egos.

aka Shallow egos

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