Remember the song by Brandy titled "Have you ever"? It's been playing non-stop in my head lately. It is the perfect song for the way I feel right now. It sounds as blue as I am and the first stanza expresses my current sentiments precisely in an eerie way.
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever
Unlike Brandy's song though, for me, it is not about loving someone but about wanting something so bad. I can't tell you what it is but I can tell you how I feel. I want it so bad it's all I dream of and think of these days. It's the last thing on my mind before I sleep and the first thing I remember when I wake up. Some would call this an obsession of some sort and being a general psychologist myself, I would agree with them somewhat. It is, however, bigger than an obsession; it is a woman recognizing a lifeline and trying with all of her might and will power to grab onto it in order to avoid being swept away by life's tides. Will I get it? WIll my thirst be quenched? I do not know but I am determined to give it my best shot!
Have you ever - Brandy