Dear @profanereviews,

I'm in need a bit of advice from the both of you.

I know most people that write you letters say its for a friend but we all know it's about them. In this case, I swear to you this letter really is about a friend, who shall remain nameless as they like to hide in the shadows. If word got out that I wrote you this message I would be in a ton of trouble so please, please keep this to yourself.

If you could answer me back in a video that would be wonderful because I'm pretty sure my friend will never watch it on a Thursday. Thursdays happen to be a very busy day in their life. I think I will be as safe as safe as can be.

Now the problem comes in with my friend and dead missing gnomes. Yes, gnomes. I know. It makes me very sad too. Poor helpless gnomes. They just want a garden with beans around them, in green and yellow of course, to make them happy but it never even gets that far before they are killed off found to be missing.

The problem gets worse! My friend happens to live right next to the National Gnome Forest, the birthplace of all Canadian gnomes which has always made me a bit suspicious when the gnome population started to decline.

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This weekend I happened to be on a trip to visit my Aunt and Uncle in Northern Wisconsin. While driving it became clear we needed to stop and stretch our legs. Finding the perfect place, Gnome Gardens, to stop was an added plus being just off the Highway as it was.

Walking around the grounds, I happened to see Major Beklec Fixphase. Major Fixphase is head of the Midwest Chapter of Gnomes. I found myself being told the most gruesome story to date.

It seems all the Wisconsin gnomes had been called into active duty. They are leaving for Canada and the National Gnome Forest tomorrow. Their job is to help save the Canadian gnomes from becoming extinct!!

My concern now is for my friend and their safety!!

I'm at a loss about what to do about an army of gnomes now headed toward my friend's house.

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