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Prologue
Since this is probably my last entry, fuck it, I’ll say it... Dear diary,
in a few hours everything will be over, one way or the other. And as the end draws near everything becomes perfectly clear. Painfully clear. I know now what is to blame. No. It’s not them. It’s not the persons. It’s their good intentions. Yes. Fucking good intentions are to blame. Good intentions is how we got to be in this shitty situation. Because good intentions are the most dangerous thing on this earth. Good intentions give rise to ideas. Some times these ideas are visionary, revolutionary, and they resonate with the people. They become a dream for a better future. And the people rally around this vision, make its creators their leaders and entrust them with their lives, believing that they know the path to this bright future, they know how to materialize this utopia and make it reality.
But they don’t. They don’t know shit! They never do. And this time was no exception. They had a plan, sure. But they couldn’t see the end game. They saw an end game. And how could they? How could any of us, when we all did the same mistake as ever? When we failed to account for the constant failing factor: the fact that humans are beasts. And the most dangerous kind. Intelligent beasts. We will devour everything, given the chance. We’ll devour our own children if it serves our ephemeral needs. And this time was no different.
Beasts. That’s what we are. And we’ll defend our hide and what is «ours» with tooth and nail, even if it means that everyone else can go to hell. Even now. I see it all around. People blind to the blatant truth that is all around them. It could be a baseball bat, the reality of it all, and I could hit them over the head with it, and still they would think they had a fucking headache!
Sure, nobody saw it coming. Except a few. But nobody listened to them. They had no voice. And so, nobody saw it coming. That’s what happens. We get intoxicated with celebration, with the exhilaration of times to come and momentarily we think the beast inside of us is asleep. And it probably is. Blind, also. Blind to the creeping shadows that lurk on the fringes of our victory ready to exploit the holes that will surely exist in this new model, in every new model, that is based on ideas that are based on good fucking intentions! The shadows of the beasts that never sleep.
But now?? Even now, to be so eager to settle in their little, pathetic lives, and defend the nothingness they have become so passionately as if they had the world to lose? Fuckers! You have lost the world. Don’t you see it? Oh, fuck it! They can’t help it, I know. Like I said, beasts. And not that there is any other way really. You have to feed the beast, since it’s there. You have to satisfy its ambition. Whenever we tried to tame it, we failed miserably. Because even if you tame some, hell, even if you tame every internal beast but one, that one will devour and destroy every other one and every other thing.
So, this is the only way. It may not have always been, but it is now. Only way forward. I only wish I had seen her one more time. No... Not that... Well, that as well, but most of all... I wish I could go back to that summer day. Ha! Who would have thought it? Instead of wishing to be able to take all this back, prevent it from happening, I wish I could go back to that day. More than I wish to kiss her once again. That day that seemed so dreadful at the time. But I really wish I could. Why though? Why does this day keep coming back to me so often these past few days? Since we started the final preparations I catch myself going back to that day. If anyone asked me when all this started for me, I would have said some other among the numerous events that have happened. But it was that day. If I’m being honest with myself, and at this point and on these pages there is no reason not to be, that was the day that set me to this path. But I don’t want to relive it to change it. No. What has come to pass, couldn’t have happened any other way. No. I think I want to go back to the last day of my innocence.