In deep thought

I find that my mind tends to wonder in the past a lot. I have these what if thoughts 💭 every so often on what I could’ve done different and say differently. And at times life actually gives me the chance to do something about these thoughts 💭 and my mouth never seems to know the right words to say. It’s like I’ve biuilt a home in my mind and decided to camp there forever. And then, I get emotional when things don’t work out how I thought it would’ve. I’m not surprised by the outcome because it’s almost like I sit and ponder on way too many unnecessary things while life keeps on passing me by. I don’t know if anyone feels as lost as I do in their minds as I described? And every time I think “this is it” I’m going to make a change, I’m going to do better. I start doubting is this change really necessary?And that fear that I’ve developed in mind as crippled me into staying at the same stage that I started in the beginning, which is nowhere. as I progress In age I’m strongly regretting letting my thoughts of the past dictate my future moves. And now, that it’s too late to go back and achieve some of the goals I had, I want to be able to accomplish the one goal of not just “existing” but “being”.