10 Reasons Relationships Fail

Most of us want to meet and settle down with the “right” person, and most of us want such a relationship to last. At the same time, the majority of romantic partnerships end in dissolution. What are some of the major causes? Below are ten reasons why relationships fail, excerpted from my books (click on titles): “7 Keys to Long-Term Relationship Success” and “How to Get Over a Break-Up – Keys to Healing and Happiness Again”.Of course, every couple is unique. The longer two people shared their lives together, the more likely complex factors are involved. The list of reasons below is not meant to be comprehensive. They simply represent some of the most common and damaging factors behind relational dissolution.

1. Trust Issues

Lack or loss of trust is one of the most harmful contagions to a couple’s long-term success. Without trust, a relationship misses two of the key anchors to a strong bond: safety and security.

Trust issues may include factors such as jealousy, possessiveness, unreasonable rigidity, emotional infidelity, physical/sexual infidelity, relational game playing, lack of reliability and dependability, lack of emotional support, lack of financial compatibility, and lack of mutually-supportive goals.

If you believe trust is a major issue in your relationship (or was in your former relationship), examine whether the lack of trust is based on a pattern of evidence (such as significant broken promises), or mostly subjective emotions (such as jealousy without proof). Consider honestly whether the lack of trust is based on tangible substance or unjustified fears.

1. Different Expectations

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."

It’s not easy for a couple to walk a journey together for a long time. The elements that frequently draw two people toward one-another at the beginning of a relationship – physical attraction, sexual passion, common interests, personality connections, socio-economic backgrounds – often become less central as the realities and demands of day to day life sets in. Overtime, a couple’s expectations in the relationship may differentiate, as they begin to see their respective life plans as “what I want,” instead of “what we want.”
Some of the reasons relationship divergence occur between a couple include:

Mister/Miss Right or Mister/Miss Right Now?

1. Moving Through Life at Different Speeds

When one partner is learning and growing at a rapid pace, while the other is stagnating, this may be a source of relational divergence.

1. Compatibility Issues

Relational compatibility is a large topic worthy of full volumes of its own.

1. Communication Issues

This is a big one. Numerous studies have identified communication (or a lack thereof) as one of the top reasons for couples therapy, as well as one of the top reasons for break-up and divorce (1)(2).

1. Narcissism

The Mayo Clinic research group defines narcissistic personality disorder as “a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration."

1. Relational Abuse

For the purpose of this writing, relational abuse is defined as the repeated mistreatment of an individual. Examples of relational abuse include: Verbal, emotional, physical, and/or sexual abuse.

1. Life Habit Abuse

Life habit abuses are traits which, although may or may not directly involve the partner (such as a secret gambling addiction), may ultimately affect the relationship in a destructive way.

1. Grown Apart, Boredom, Staleness, Rut

If any of the four terms written above resonates with your relationship experience, there are a couple of elements to consider:

1. Money Issues

The longer a couple has been together in a committed relationship, the greater the possibility of financial incompatibility.