_{This is Day 15 of the 30-day Traffic Koans contest. Details on how to enter can be found here: https://steemit.com/traffic-koans/@jedau/traffic-koans-halfway-update-1505319420-6600256}

"Grandfather," a child called out. "Please tell us the story of how you and grandmother met."

The children were huddled around their grandfather, pleading for him to indulge them. They were wide eyed in anticipation of the tale. The old man couldn't refuse.

"Very well," the grandfather replied, to which the children followed with cheering.

They eventually settled down to let the old man's voice be heard uninterrupted.

"A long time ago, the many winding paths teemed with people moving about.
Even though all of the pathways were filled with energy, everything flowed harmoniously.
Until one day, a greedy vendor moved out of turn.
He saw an opening to cross, even though it looked like the line at the other end was filled to the brim.
It didn't matter to him, as he felt like he would be given enough space by the time he crossed.
After all, he was just one person.
Surely, he would be able to be afforded a space.
If he would wait his turn, he would lose a lot of valuable time.
He had an enterprising mind, so every second was precious to him.
So, that's what he did.
He pushed his cart and tried to slot himself in to the other side.
Unfortunately, the space he foresaw never came.
He blocked the line that came from his right, then blocked the line that came from his left.
The people from both sides became angry and told him to backpedal.
But, he wasn't able to since the line behind him had moved forward.
The people on his right told him to turn left, but he was unable to since the people on his left had formed a second lane in hopes to avoid the congestion.
Everyone became angry at each other, and no line refused to yield."

"Grandpa," one of the children interrupted. "Were you the greedy vendor in the story?"

"Oh goodness, no. I was stuck in one of the lines.
That is where I met your grandmother.
It's where we fell in love, married and consummated.
In fact, that's the same spot where she gave birth to your parents.
The very same spot we are in now."

Oh, if I had a nickel every time I see someone tries to squeeze while turning, effectively clogging the lanes, I would be able to build a house made of nickels. In fact, I would be able to trade in those nickels and save up some capital to buy a small house or a condo unit.

You've heard of that saying, "greed is good?" Well, it may be good on some occasions, but most of the time it's not, especially while on the road. If you feel like getting an earful of honks, then be my guest. You're lucky if it's just honking. There are some instances here where the road rage went as far as a driver in the clogged lane exiting his vehicle, pointing a gun at the perpetrator and pulling the trigger. It sounds like some scripted drama, but I assure you it's not.

For people who follow this series, you already know how much I love buses. I love them to bits even. Oh sorry, I meant I want to tear them to bits. Imagine those huge things overtaking vehicles on the leftmost side and then turning right to head to the bus lane on the righmost side of the road, with the added kicker of the bus lane itself being clogged because of a queue. You know what, I'll do you one better. Here you go:

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I want to say that's a rare shot, but really it's a daily thing in the country's main highway. It makes a 20-minute commute, into a 2-hour one. Those simple acts pile up to one huge mess. Do they face any repercussion? I would like to think yes, but the simple act of bribing traffic enforcers gives these mother cluckers a "Get out of jail free" card. Fun!

This is the part where I tell you a personal story that involves this scenario. If I were to include all of the instances, I think it would take me a few months to finish writing. So, instead I'll just share one particular story that really made my blood boil. Ready? Park your car on the side street and make sure you're not blocking the path. Here we go.

One fine Sunday afternoon, my then-girlfriend (now fiancée @randomli) and I booked a dinner date at a swanky blind restaurant. You know those places where you eat your food in complete darkness. Ever tried those? They're great! Anyway, yeah, it was a Valentine's celebration, so we planned something special. We even dressed up for it, since it was a fancy place. It's not like we got to see each other during dinner, but yeah you get it.

From where we both live (Cavite), the quickest route to the city is this highway called Coastal Road, since it's right beside the sea. I mean, obviously. It's perpendicular to EDSA (pictured above), and it's almost as congested. Now, the government had placed measures to alleviate the traffic here. They reclaimed part of the sea and turned it into a splinter highway, and most recently, they finished the construction of NAIAX, which is an overpass that led directly to the airport and other parts of the metro. Sure, the toll fee is exorbitant, and it's ridiculous that we have to pay extra just to avoid the traffic, but it really did make travel quicker. The thing is, they didn't really account for undisciplined drivers.

The entrance to NAIAX was on the leftmost lane of Coastal Road. According to Waze, it cut our travel from 45 minutes to 15 minutes, which was great because we were pressed for time. There are a lot of signs littered across Coastal Road. It's there to avoid confusion, and to help guide drivers along. If you want to get to this place stay on this lane, if you want to get to that place stay on that lane. It's all very clear. Only a person who can't read wouldn't be able to interpret it. And, I don't think they would give a driver's license to people who can't read, right? I mean, right!?

When we were near the entrance, we were surprised to find that there was traffic. We couldn't believe that even a new expressway would be clogged! People were paying an expensive toll to alleviate the traffic, and yet it already was marred with congestion. It was completely unacceptable, and we cursed the traffic management department for their poor performance.

We moved at a snail's pace, but eventually we saw the entrance to NAIAX. What greeted us was a sight that... you know what? I wanted to raise some suspense here, but you may have already guessed based on the koan, so I'll just get on with it. There were no vehicles on NAIAX. In fact, one could stop in the middle of it, take out a beach chair and catch some late afternoon rays for a light tan. It seemed that our anger was misdirected. The reason why we weren't already dining in darkness were a bunch of cars who went out of their lane to get ahead of the others. When they tried to merge back, they weren't being let in, which is something I wouldn't fault the people who are on the right lane. I mean, I would do the same thing to punish those drivers who just wanted to get ahead of others.

So, yeah. I honked incessantly, as it seems @randomli and I were the only ones who had the right to be in the lane. The cars folded and tried their best to squeeze themselves back to the correct lane. One by one those idiots cowered back to where they should be. We waited for 30 minutes to move less than a kilometer. THIRTY. FECKING. MINUTES.

We got to a point where there was only one more car that stood in our way. I haven't taken my hand off the horn the entire time, so I imagine plenty people were annoyed by that. As luck would have it, the driver ahead of us was one of those people. To silence the noise, a car on the right lane gave way so that the car would be able slot itself in. But, you see, the driver ahead of us was like one of those douchebag alpha male dudebros, so of course he had to make a statement. He didn't go back to his lane, and just stopped. There were no cars ahead of him, and there was a space afforded just beside him, but he chose to just stop to spite me.

At that point, I was ready for him to step outside and go toe-to-toe. I was livid, and I had my hand on my umbrella, because even though I am fuming, I'm still a proper gentleman.

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I was instructing @randomli to lock the door behind me in case Hurricane @jedau needed to make landfall. But, at that moment, the fiend eventually folded and slowly withered back to his lane. I want to emphasize slowly here, because he took like a full three minutes before he gave enough space for us to pass. As we crawled to meet our adversary, we counted 5 of them in the car, with all 4 windows down. The driver was resting his left elbow on his window. He was wearing some sort of formal wear, and was visibly angry. Yes, he was angry because he caused a 30-minute traffic delay. I guess, he was angry at himself? I mean, it couldn't be that he was angry because I didn't stop honking at all the cars who had no right to be in that lane, right? He looked like he was shouting something at us, perhaps begging for our forgiveness. It looked like he wanted us to roll our windows down so that we can hear clearly.

Since we're benevolent beings, @randomli and I decided to not roll our windows down, and we instead just gave him a four-finger salute, whilst shouting profanities that might've sounded like "Flock you, you flocking sheep. I hope you [have a safe travel on your way to where you're going]!" Yes, that sounds about right. And then we sped off into the sunset. I mean that in the most literal sense. We were headed towards a setting sun, so that's how we might've looked like from the back.

I initially wanted to center the koan around them, but I decided to make it all-encompassing. We don't want others to feel left out now do we? Do we!? I think that at this point I need to make it clear that I am not an angry person. In fact, I'm quite the opposite. @randomli and I don't often curse. In fact, I think we only average one curse word per month. That's how seldom we curse. I just have, as @dreemit put it, a strong sense of justice. You see, even though my countrymen doesn't even recognize me, I love my country. Clogging its lanes is akin to clogging its blood vessels, which leads to cardiac arrest. Doing so only proves that you have no heart, so the only thing left for me to do is to attack you.

Or, you know, tell on you to the authorities.

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