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I have been building my inner nest.
The big moment came as we stepped through the Solstice.
It was almost shocking. I realized how much I’ve been missing - myself.
Imagine, for years being separated from a loved one, and suddenly being offered a gift of a meeting… There was this insatiable thirst inside.
Like I couldn’t get enough of feeling my presence in the body… Have I ever even truly felt my body before? I was finally landing. And I was big. My spirit was strong.
I’ve been missing myself so much!
No, not my lover - myself!
Suddenly, there was nothing more precious than the quality of connection to myself, my spirit and the Source. Nothing more important than the full experience of this inner reunion.
I’ve been missing resting in my inner nest.
I’ve been missing resting in the coziness of my inner space, and I want to become more familiar with it... Can you relate to what I’m talking about?
Quality time with myself is what I need. A long-lasting nurturing self-embrace is what I need.
My hands can heal. With my own presence I am healing deep wounds.
It doesn’t have to be a battle.
It has suddenly become so much easier to come back to myself, to stay in the core, and not follow the distractions and other people’s interests. I can now breathe into greater spaciousness within.
This eclipse season I've been learning about freedom.
I have been stepping out of the neediness, for others’ presence, recognition,
for receiving care in the way I thought I needed to…
So many distractions people might use,
Addictions - only to not hear deeply, to numb the voice inside...
Looking for a mother, a farther on the outside to reconcile the child inside, who still feels insecure from time to time.
The fear is melting away, as I am landing in the body.
The neediness for something on the outside, for an experience, a connection, was in the way of truly meeting myself.
And I said: Stop. No more.
I have been giving my freedom away.
I am calling my energy back.
In the past, I could feel restrained if I was not accepted. It brought me pain.
Simply not being quite enough - for the mother, for the beloved, for the surroundings.
My grades not high enough, my intuition not deep enough, my approach not understanding enough, my caring not perfect enough…
It finally dawned on me to ask myself:
Why am I feeling restrained by the judgement of the other?
And what defines my freedom?
Can anyone really control me?
I discovered that the allowance lay within me.
I found stability.
And grounding. I am solid.
I am re-committing to myself.
I no longer allow my life to depend on and revolve around other people and their ways and interests. I claim back the freedom to engage with Life the way I feel in each moment.
Surrendering to ourselves requires tremendous courage.
In my heart, I wish that every man and woman steps into self-responsibility, committing to finding those ways of being that are deeply nurturing to the soul, inviting the spirit fully back into the body, taking care, being gentle.
It is the time for maturity.