Viet Road Trip Day 9

Viet Road Trip is a blog series about my scooter trip through Vietnam. This is Day 9.

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This is a short scoot through Hoi An, serenaded by Short Dog himself. Blow the whistle!

On day 9, I woke up in Hoi An. The weather was brisk, and the ride ahead of me was short. Less than an hour, short. My destination that day was Danang. I had a few hours to kill before I had to check out of the hotel, so went walking.

I took advantage of the excellent selection of restaurants in Hoi An. Vietnam has good local food, but I got tired of eating noodle soup all the time. In my culture we use soup as practice for real meals. The only time we eat soup by itself is when we're sick. So I loved Hoi An's food selection. If you're a foodie, or love expensive restaurants, there are a few fancy places available. There are also a lot of excellent, cheap options. They even had Mexican food. That morning, I had an American style breakfast at a diner.

Do NOT bring your bugle to Hoi An. Just don't.

Hoi An is probably one of the most attractive towns that I've seen in the world. I mean there are nicer, bigger, cleaner, cooler towns. But if you become enthralled with Vietnam, like I have, there's something about Hoi An that enchants you. For me it was a short lived enchantment, but there is no denying the beauty of this place.

Something about these kids seems a little creepy, but I love this style.

I don't know if it's the influence of artists like Shepard Fairey, but I loved the communist-style art in Vietnam.

If it wasn't for all of the communist flags and propaganda posters in Vietnam, I never would have guessed that the place was communist. Of course I was only passing through, and didn't try to start a business or buy property. But it seemed like a normal, nice country to me.

From right to left: Dress shop, suit shop, dress shop?, jewelry shop.... The whole tourist zone is like this. Suits and dresses, dresses and suits.... Ouch! My jaw just cracked from yawning so hard.

Who would have guessed? It's a suit shop! What a surprise.

Yeah, I'm not really a suit guy. I've hated dressing up ever since my mom used to dress me up for church, as an kid. So I consider all of the suit and dress shops wasted space. Most of the shops look pretty from the street, so that's kind of cool. However, I'm a firm believer in the old saying "if you've seen one suit shop, you've seen all suit shops".

If you don't count suit and dress shops, Hoi An has about 3 interesting shops to look at. I didn't have space for any purchases, so I didn't go to those shops either.

However, if you love shopping for suits and dresses, you probably can't choose a more beautiful place to do it than Hoi An.

Lanterns over all of the roads in the tourist zone. They are what make Hoi An an experience, instead of just a tourist trap. Whoever thought these things up should get a medal.

The River in Hoi An is lovely. Walking along the river at night, with all of the lanterns lit up, is like something out of a fairy tale. If you ever want to impress your girlfriend or wife, take her to Hoi An for dinner and an evening stroll. Bring mosquito spray and something that takes better night photos than a phone.

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So why do I hate Hoi An? OK, that was a little bit of clickbait on my part. I don't hate Hoi An, but I dislike it. I recommend visiting Hoi An as a day trip, while staying in Danang.

Why do I dislike Hoi An? There are a few possible reasons. The first reason is that Hoi An is fake. Hoi An is where Vietnamese people go to get away from "real life" in Vietnam. It's like Disneyland in America. You won't have an authentic American experience in Disneyland. And I didn't feel like I was having an authentic Vietnamese experience in Hoi An. If Hoi An was my only destination in Vietnam, it would have been fine. But by day 9 I had seen a lot of Vietnam, and I already knew that the "real" Vietnam was far superior to the Hoi An version of Vietnam.

Another possible reason why I disliked Hoi An is that I was single. Hoi An is a very romantic place with tons of couples everywhere. I'm not one of these bitter single guys who hates love or couples. But in Hoi An, it's hard not to feel like the only single guy on the roller rink during couple's skate.

Another reason why I disliked Hoi An was the amount of western tourists. I'm a western tourist and I don't hate myself. I don't hate other western tourists. The fact of the matter is "familiarity breeds resentment". The locals of Hoi An see millions of people every year who look pretty similar to me. I was just another customer in Hoi An.

In much of Vietnam, tourists are rarely seen by the locals. Being a westerner in Vietnam is awesome! People pull up on their scooters to say hi and to shake hands. They seem really curious and jocular. People take selfies with you, and make their babies wave at you. It's great. Seeing a funny looking white dude wearing stupid clothes and too much gear is something they can tell their neighbors about. It's news in some of the smaller villages. In Hoi An you're just another one of the thousands that pass through each month.

So that's why I didn't stay in Hoi An. I had planned to stay two nights because I needed to do my taxes. Instead I headed down the road to Danang and I would take my tax day there.

I'll be posting some footage of the ride, as well as some video tours through Danang later, so stay tuned. Until then, ride safe!

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Viet Road Trip is a blog series about my solo scooter trip through Vietnam. Read about days 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 7.1, 8, and 8.1 here.