Panama is Just Odd but I Love it Anyways!

I have lived in Panama for over 5 years and this tiny country never ceases to amaze me. Whenever I think I know how this place works something else happens and I scratch my head.

My List of 20 Panama Cultural Oddities.

1. Juego Vivo!- Translated the game of life. Whether you are driving, in line at the grocery store or trying to buy an ice cream if you hesitate someone will cut in front of you. Then once they have done it you might get a smile like, too late sucka! It is especially frustrating when driving. You have to up your driving aggression in Panama.

2. Cats are not welcome.- There is a belief in Panama that cats carry disease. It seems everyone has a dog but very few people keep cats as pets. Sure you might see some stray cats that people feed but the cats do not come in the house. One of our neighbors even threatened us because our cat Patricio was hanging out in her yard. Also the options for cat related products is very sparce. When we see kitty litter that we like we buy 2 months worth because we don't know if it will be there in a few days.

3. Asking for Directions.- So you are lost and could use some help with directions. So you ask a local and there response, "pass the big tree at the corner next to the bus stop, then take a right at the casino, then a left at the broken Diablo Rojo there will be a pink building that has a Chino on the first floor if you go one minute further you will see a mango tree it is right next to the tree." Don't try to fight it folks, you must adapt. There are no true addresses in Panama.

4. Changing Requirements.- Each and every time you think you have completed all your requirements for a government institution or bank be prepared to learn that you need another document. This is maddening! We have had this happen so many times that I told my wife Anabell to no longer try to plan anything.

5. Right or Wrong You Will Get an Answer.- This one is odd to me. No matter whether a Panamanian knows an answer to a question or not they will give you an answer with conviction. Take lightly any answer you get. You are better off asking other expats.

6. Third Lane- At peak traffic times the shoulder of the highway turns into another lane. The police are starting to give out tickets for this but the people just don't care. Police are not very respected here.

7. Public Urination- My wife and I have a game we play. Whenever we see someone peeing openly I yell out, "brown sausage!". This one does not bother me much after living for 3 years in Italy. The difference is here they let it all hang out.

8. Boobs are Everywhere- If you have a problem with breast feeding in public don't come to Panama. It is an accepted cultural norm that I love to torture fellow Gringos with. Americans just can't handle it.

9. Colón is dangerous- Our favorite area of Panama is the Caribbean side. Whenever I tell Panamanians this they think I am nuts. We go over to that area regularly and have never had a problem. The sea food on the Caribbean is amazing and the people are super friendly.

10. Tipping 15%- In North America this is normal but in Panama servers earn a living salary. Now the government recently passed a law forcing restaurants to not include the tip. I would recommend no more than 10%. The average Panamanian earns $550-$650 a month.

11. Customer Service is Not Important.- One of the biggest frustrations for visitors to Panama is the lack of customer service. You would not believe the amount of people who complain about this. Recently Venezuelans and Colombians have taken over many service jobs so it is improving but overall it is still lacking. Panamanians need to step up or be left out.

12. Car Mechanics- We have been through so many mechanics. There are no true schools for car mechanics that I know of. They learn as an apprentice and do not like to take jobs that are difficult. We needed a gear changed in our Toyota Rav 4 transmission and it took over 10 mechanics before we found someone willing to do it. Stick to Japanese or Korean brands.

13. Sewage Dumped into the Pacific- Panama still dumps all of their sewage into the ocean. This makes for a stinky time when the tide goes out. They have been saying for years that the water treatment facility is being built. We are still waiting.

14. Personal Space- When riding public transportation be prepared to give up your space. If you don't want every private part imaginable assaulting you it is best to try to sit next to the window. The new Metro (Subway) is much better than the bus.

15. Obey the Traffic Laws 100%- Believe me when it comes to speeding, legally driving, insurance, seat belts, current license plates you do not want to risk it. You are not Panamanian! I had a speeding ticket for going 2 kph over the limit going down a hill. I don't speed because I much prefer money in my pocket than in the governments hands. If you get pulled over by a male police officer offer to buy them a coffee and thank them for their service. Female police just shut up and deal with it.

16. Appointments- Oh you are upset because a Panamanian is late to an appointment? Get over it, people here do not operate on your schedule and could care less about your cultural norms. The good thing is that I am never in a hurry here. I will get there when I get there.

17. Going to the Interior on Long Weekends- So you thought you would travel to the interior of the country on a long weekend? Well, so did everyone else! Unless you want to be stuck in a 30-50 mile long traffic jam I recommend you leave a few days later and plan to come back a few days later than everyone else.

18. 10 Mbps Internet Connection- You saw the advertisement and thought you were getting a decent internet service? Well, you will find that internet here is spotty at best and you will rarely get the advertised speed unless you go with Panetma. Just be prepared to shell out big bucks for Panetma.

19. Negotiate Your Taxi Fare- Do not get in a taxi until you have negotiated your fare first. Taxi's are pretty cheap here if you know what you are doing. If not, prepare to be gouged. There are no meters but each driver is supposed to have a rate card. Uber is here now so I recommend using them. You have been warned!

20. A Hot Woman is Checking You Out- This one cracks me up because I have seen so many guys come here and fall in love with a hooker. She does not like you for your personality or looks. She likes you for your wallet. Just be forewarned and if you decide to date here I recommend dating a Panamanian woman. They are pretty awesome!

Bonus. Grocery Cart Ass Backwardness Starring Anabell Hilarski.