THE SEXUALITY MULTIVERSE
HSBC Hong Kong Banker Who Declared Pansexuality Still Can’t Get Laid in Any Gender
CHINA-OCCUPIED HONG KONG: HSBC Hong Kong junior investment banker Garnish Numpty-Chan, who last month declared themself to be pansexual in a direct challenge to HSBC...
CHINA’S SOFT POWER
VINTAGE
Thailand Beach Marks Millionth Chinese Tourist Who Totally Avoids Going into WaterThailand Beach Marks Millionth Chinese Tourist Who Totally Avoids Going into Water
BIA Toilet Challenge: Mainland Employee of Hong Kong Legal Recruiting Firm Pinches GoldBIA Toilet Challenge: Mainland Employee of Hong Kong Legal Recruiting Firm Pinches Gold
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Pure Fitness to Rebrand as Place You Go to Sit on the Leg Curl Machine and Stare Into Your Fucking Phone All DayPure Fitness to Rebrand as Place You Go to Sit on the Leg Curl Machine and Stare Into Your Fucking Phone All Day
Trump Throws In With #MeToo, Says He Was Sexually Abased on ’09 Asia TripTrump Throws In With #MeToo, Says He Was Sexually Abased on ’09 Asia Trip
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SEXPATS HELPLINE
If you're in an Asian country and feeling overwhelmed by the demands of multiple sex partners, there's no need to suffer In silence. Turn to www.breakinginasia.com.
South China Morning Post Promises Not to Hire Any More Top Editors Who No Speaky English
South China Morning Post Promises Not to Hire Any More Top Editors Who No Speaky English
CHINA-OCCUPIED HONG KONG – New South China Morning Post CEO Mo Chung said Thursday that the Special Administrative Region's premier English-language daily newspaper would bring...
New SCMP CEO Mo Chung Says He Won’t Be Stooge of China
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CHINA-OCCUPIED HONG KONG – The newly installed CEO of English-language broadsheet The South China Morning Post vowed on Friday that he would “not now or...
Mystery Marking in Hong Kong Hotel Carpet Could Portend China’s Iron Rule of Enclave, Expert Warns
Mystery Marking in Hong Kong Hotel Carpet Could Portend China’s Iron Rule of Enclave, Expert Warns
CHINA-OCCUPIED HONG KONG – A mysterious marking that appeared in the room of an American guest staying at a Wanchai hotel could be an omen...
HSBC Hong Kong Banker Who Declared Pansexuality Still Can’t Get Laid in Any Gender
HSBC Hong Kong Banker Who Declared Pansexuality Still Can’t Get Laid in Any Gender
CHINA-OCCUPIED HONG KONG: HSBC Hong Kong junior investment banker Garnish Numpty-Chan, who last month declared themself to be pansexual in a direct challenge to HSBC...
As Hong Kong Government Withdraws Extradition Bill, China Pledges to Revert to Hooded Kidnappings
As Hong Kong Government Withdraws Extradition Bill, China Pledges to Revert to Hooded Kidnappings
BEIJING – While millions of Hong Kong residents were cheering the decision on Wednesday by Chief Executive Carrie Lam to officially withdraw the proposed extradition...
China Used Cutting-Edge Farcical Recognition System to Catch Insult Comic: Human Rights Watch
China Used Cutting-Edge Farcical Recognition System to Catch Insult Comic: Human Rights Watch
BY BREAKINGINASIA
TOKYO – China's slime-coated surveillance tentacles have reached deep into another sphincter of what passes for public life on the mainland, targeting comedians and other...
China’s National Day: ‘All Our Subjugated Peoples Kowtow With Delirious Joy at The CCP’s Butt-Clenchingly Tight Rule’
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BY BREAKINGINASIA
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U.S. Generals Working for Saudis Say Jobs Don’t Reflect Who They Are as Americans Operating Under Broad Penumbra of Sunni Islamic Revivalism
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RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA – The retired U.S. military generals recently busted for being whores for Saudi money have said they were only doing it so...
Police Sent for Welfare Check on Laos: ‘We Haven’t Heard From Them in Years’
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Pelosi in Pink: U.S. House Speaker’s Hidden Message to China about Tender Feelings and Wilting Lilys
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The accoutrements of U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s haut diplomatie in Taipei could not have been more striking: the insouciant purple billowing about Taiwan’s rights...
I’ve Been Crushing Anal in Thailand Mack Daddy-Style for 17 Years. These Are the Mistakes I See First-Timers Make.
SPECIAL TO BREAKING IN ASIA BY NED SKRUNK SAENGKAEW
I’m an Anal Adventurer who works mostly in Bangkok, Thailand, and occasionally dips into the clean, golden round eyes of Pattaya, Phuket and even farther afield in Vietnam.
Many first-time anal adventurers make the same mistakes, like not bringing the right lube or currency.
Some oversights have low stakes, but others, like getting too close to wildlife, are dangerous.
People often forget to research entry requirements for the Thai Anal Scene before showing up sraight off the boat from Diddlyshire County, England; Dawson City, Canada; Polski Trambesh, Bulgaria; and especially Buttfuck Tattooed Hicksville, Australia.
It’s obviously essential to do proper fact-finding before you indulge in sex acts with local Thais that are normally outlawed in your home country but which are highly recommended by the Thailand Tourism Board as a form of direct foreign investment in the country that should pay back all parties involved in spades and then some.
Some Anal Adventurer venues require online reservations just to get inside, and certain “entrances” are only accessible during peak tourist seasons. But each venue’s website will list the most up-to-date information on its home page, giving you the details you need for a smooth, lubed or unlubed visit.
Rather than paying individual Anal Adventurer venue entry fees, those with plans to visit multiple venues each year should consider buying an annual pass.
The Thailand Tourism Board sells an Anal Adventurer Recreational Pass. For just $1,250 a year, the pass grants access to over 4,800 of the country’s tightest yet flexible bungholes.
Since many of the venues, such as on Soi Sukhumvit 1, 3, 4, 22, 24, 26, 31 and 33, are in close proximity, consider going on a meth binge and covering them all in one night. If you repeat this each night for an entire year, you should be able to get through the entire stock and have some wonderful tales (and tails!) with which to regale your co-workers at Bungion Liquidators Ltd. back home.
Arriving in the middle of a summer Saturday is a major mistake, as many available anuses will be flooded with tourist jetsam.
Anal Adventurer venues usually get busy on weekends. I’ve waited in lines for over two hours to enter some of the most popular anuses on a Saturday or Sunday.
If you plan on arriving midday on a weekend, especially on a Saturday, use the bathroom ahead of time and pack extra snacks since you’ll probably have to wait a long time to get in there. And know that once you eventually enter, crowds can make it feel impossible to get around.
First-timers often only pack for one anus instead of the several they’ll want to try after having a taste.
Proper accessories are nonnegotiable when it comes to Anal Adventure visits, regardless of the season. It might be hot and sunny in one anus, but the temperature can drop 30 degrees Fahrenheit as you slowly wind your way down a dark tunnel. The winds can also pick up.
Make sure your johnnies are in order and break in your shoes ahead of time to avoid blisters.
People get excited to see wildlife and wander far too close to the animals.
We all want a beautiful picture of your new acquaintance’s anus, and visiting the providers is an amazing opportunity to see these wonders in their natural habitats.
Most of them mind their own business while eating, running up stupdendous tabs that you won’t be able to afford to pay because look at you, and caring for their young. But when humans get too close and try to interact with them, it puts both the Anal Adventurer and your new Best Friend For Life at risk of injury or worse.
This article was translated from the original Thai.
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MENTAL HEALTH
First Student to Major In Pronouns at Harvard Thanks God, Family For Helping Them Finally Get Their Shit Together
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OP-ED: ‘Squid Game’ Teaches Us to Be Kind to Our Neighbors Before Destroying Their Dignity, Making Them Pee Their Pants and Stabbing Them in the Neck
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SPONSORED POST: LinkedIn to Allow as Many Completely Made-up Job Titles as You Want in Your Profile Plus Your Real One
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GLORY TO GOD
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POPULARISH
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Kim’s Sister Wins ‘Smokin’est Hot Korean’ Title by Blowing Fire Up Biden’s Ass and Starring as Pornhub’s Top Bellicose Busty Asian
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Vietnam Blocks PornHub as ‘Busty Local’ Sites Demand Boob Jobs
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LAX Ranked 47th-Best Airport in Greater China
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Pure Fitness to Rebrand as Place You Go to Sit on the Leg Curl Machine and Stare Into Your Fucking Phone All Day
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Anxiety-Industrial Complex Takes Slim Lead Over Military-Industrial Complex in Battle of Misplaced World Powers
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Marvel’s New Asian LGBTQ Superhero Will Have Colossal Sexual Resiliency and Sweet Nunchaka Skills
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