Tales of a girl

It was a somewhat sunny day in the streets of South Auckland, again none of us had cigarettes and for breakfast was leftover chicken backs the Mormon Missionaries had brought over for us the day before.
I was hungry, tired, hella grumpy and feeling like a $2 hoe…
I sat outside in the garage thinking to myself, “How did I get myself into this? If I’m gonna survive another day of this hellish lifestyle, please Lord, at least let me find a cigarette to take some of this stress away”.
My Auntie’s marriage had fallen apart a few years before my arrival, she was a very obese lady with 6 kids and 3 grandchildren. A lady who had no such fashion sense, who wore trackies under a dress, her washed out red coloured boxed dye starting to grey. A woman who had once been a house wife and a “every Sunday” church goer. Who now, was a woman who would live week to week, drink as much as her solo mothers benefit would allow her too, chat to random men on the “HOT GOSSIP LINE” and invite random men over to party, all because she missed out on 28 years of life experiences.
The thrill and the drive my aunty now had on her new life, dominated her role as a Mother, Grandmother and Aunty. This lifestyle over took her morals and values, and ruined any respect I would ever have for her.
Because she was a NZ born, there was no freshness in her words, She would lure men into painted illusions and tell them exactly what they wanted to hear, sometimes feeding sad stories to men in hopes they would feel sorry for her hungry kids and buy food.
One night a scruffy middle aged Palagi man was knocking at the front door, holding a Pak n Save bags of groceries. He said he had come to see “ Sabrina” which was obviously Aunty’s “Alias” , I told him to come inside the house. As we walked in to the sitting room where “Sabrina” was, I saw her spread out on her couch, her huge body, half naked and in the air, her perfume – Fire and Ice, lingered.
This palagi man, in shock dropped the Pak n Save shopping on the ground, and Yelled out “WHAT THE FUCK!!!! I just spent $150 on shopping for you and your kids and you look like that??? “ I felt a little sorry for this Palagi man, he obviously had come from a nicer part of Auckland all the way to the hood of South Auckland in hopes to fulfil his fantasy of fucking a nice figured, beautiful brown Polynesian woman, who not only wasted his time, but lied and deceived him, and took $150 out of his own wife and kids mouths. I couldn’t help but laugh inside because it was obvious that he had intentions of playing up on his Palagi wife that night and Karma don’t play around and I thought, That’s what you get, you dumb ass!!! But I didn’t think that my inside laughs would cost me my morals and values..
She wraps her ie lava lava over her oversized saggy breasts as she’s trying to get up off the couch and then points over to me and says, “Suga, go and suck that Palagis cock or else you can fuck off out of my place and live on the street!!” I was mortified, so speechless, I could not believe what I was hearing, how could my own Aunty be suggesting I do such a thing, I was raised by a good family, my Palagi Mum and Grandma, who instilled good morals and values into me and for a family member to threaten me with this kind of bull shit, was Ludacris. It was like the time stood still and the room all of a sudden got darker and darker, I looked at her with tears in my eyes, shaking my head, whispering, NO, NO, NO Aunty, trying to not make any eye contact with this Palagi man, hoping and wishing that he also would have those same morals and values that my Palagi family taught me and would decline such an offer made to him, by this crazy ass aunty of mine, but them remembering why he made the 45min car ride in the first place.
I was a long way from home, I didn’t want to be kicked out on the streets, this was an unfamiliar place for me, I didn’t have anyone who I could turn to if I disobeyed her. I felt like I had no choice but to agree to do what was asked of me for this man. My aunty surely could see the terror in my eyes, my hands shaking an not being able to catch my breath, she looked at me with this ugly, evil smile and laughed as she picked up the Pak n Save bags off the ground and says “Thank you Mike, enjoy your blow job” and walked out and left me to it.
Half and hour felt like my entire 19 years of living, he left and I ran to the toilet and spewed up, and went to the shower and sat in there for nearly 2 hours just crying and scrubbing my body, brushing my teeth over and over again, feeling disgusting, dirty and worthless and feeling such a hatred for a woman who I was meant to look up too, who was meant to be there for me, look after me.
After that ordeal, I finally managed to get myself out of the bathroom, get dressed and as I walked to the kitchen, she was there waiting for me. “Im so sorry Suga, what was I suppose to do? we needed that food, we have no food and Im sure just like me, you are hungry” I looked at her with so much disgust in my eyes that if disgust could kill, it would of shot her down right then and there. Yes, I was hungry.. For days I had been living off Porridge from the food bank made with hot water and sugar but that night eating was the last thing on my mind, all I wanted to do was crawl up in a little ball and die.