The song of the leaves
whistles, or softens
colors drab like
a glass of water.
The day is old,
by which I mean
shipped out this morning
for it had started to turn;
prow nudging the pier
like a new deck hand
or a fish-eyed dock cat.
The song of the sea
calls, or crests
colors vibrant like
sawdust covered floors.
The sky is overcast,
by which I mean
I wore it like a coat;
and the tide is still,
by which I mean
my smallest movements
shook stones from my pockets,
dancing circles
and breaking glass;
but the day was young,
by which I mean
I measured it in coins,
cold metal portraits,
beheaded kings
holding tight my eyes.
Written for @thewritersblock's linked poetry contest, check it out! Running a bit against the deadline because of edits, but there's still time if you wish to make a submission.
also written for free-verse poetry maven @d-pend's revolutionary poetry initiative The 100 Day Poetry Challenge [Advanced Group] undertaken for Steemit School where @d-pend will be hosting a daily poetry show at 6 PM GMT.
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I'm so happy to be the first to comment on this. What a beautiful poem I love the rich imagery. I'm not sure which stanza is my favorite, because I really like the whole poem but this one really shook me for a second...
Good luck with the contest!
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I'm so happy as well, @wandrnrose7, what a delightful comment to come across. The whole poem likes you, too! and so glad that you were shook, hope you have a bit more pocket space <3
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I absolutely do! Welcome, it is my pleasure!
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And here already I wonder, should the "softens" be read as applying to the colours? That it softens the drab colours? Or is it a thought that is aborted, and then a new one begins immediately?
Is this criticism? No, it's critique. I wonder. Because this piece is full of such moments.
Even the first use of "By which I mean":
The follow-up fits. As an ironic statement. But even so, it almost-fits, so you can consider it as a monologue full of monologues, of tidbits. Of circles that run tangents, that touch, but only just. As you go back and forth between thoughts, and divert to tributaries, before finding your way back to the main waterway.
I would cut the "By which I mean" in "I wore it like a coat," which is a lovely image.
And I see the allusion you've made to my cellar, and to those who don't know what is meant by that, it is a reference to a reference to River Styx. "I measured it in coins... beheaded kings, holding tight my eyes," which can be both about the way in which money draws our attention, but also coins placed over one's eyes as one journeys to the underworld, to the afterlife.
I like the feel of this piece. It reads awkwardly at times, but in a good way.
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knowing me and my writing process, softens is most likely a product of the latter.
'by which I mean' was just about the least poetic phrase, so I wanted to challenge myself to build something around it. All the better that it was for the prompt it was for, but, yes, this is the story behind that ungainly tool. I love the piece I wrote with it, but probably won't be revisiting that turn of phrase / transition, as much as I enjoy playing with them this once, =-)p
Yes! I've been reading too much (by which I mean, just the right amount) of Guy lately and am happy to report that osmosis is all around us - hope you don't mind me rummaging around in your cellar, I may have dropped a coin or two.
D'aww, that's honestly the best I could hope for on this one. I was really pleased with a few of the phrases and especially the end. It turned out better than expected, by which I mean, awkward, but in a good way ^_^
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"No," is the least poetic phrase, yet it births so much poetry.
Of course, "The dog pooped in the middle of the kitchen," try working that into a poem. Numerous times :D
It is nice to hear the logic behind that phrase being used, which goes to show part of why I don't write poetry for contests - I mean, constraints and phrases can seed poems all the time, but I don't want to feel as if I'm speaking over the poem, which I feel it sort of does here.
And I sure don't mind. I'm of the school of thought that there are no new stories, just new ways to tell them. I mean, if I am not ok with you drawing the cellar from me, who am I going to apologize to for using River Styx? :D
And yes, I'm also honoured, but even if you drew inspiration from someone else, that is the key point - inspiration, and what you do with it. Not whether it comes from within, or from a person, or from a specific piece of writing. It is all the same to me, and to art.
"By which I mean," there in the end, cheeky cheeky! :)
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Beautiful simile, @carmalain. I love the richness of the images in your beautiful poem, that impact of serene beauty contemplated.
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Thank you thank you, the kindest of words. Blushing and thankful.
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"The sky is overcast,
by which I mean
I wore it like a coat;"
Now that is poetry:):):)
and the lake is still,
by which I mean
my smallest movements
shook stones from my pockets,
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To receive praise from a writer whose works inspire me, quite honored.
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That makes us a mutual admiration society then:):):)
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I love it. I'm so happy to be coming across and meeting so many writers, diverse and talented. I think your style is unique and I would really like to hear you actually recite one of your poems one day. I'm gonna enter the competition too, if time still allows lol.
This is my favourite stanza:
The sky is overcast,
by which I mean
I wore it like a coat;
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apologies for the tardiness of my reply, @cryptoprofessor, and unequivocally honored by your kind words, humbled; thank you.
I have read a few of my poems in the past, a couple have made it here onto the good ole Steemit, but I've been too busy of late to continue the practice.
Maybe when things die down a bit, thank you greatly for the words and read, my friend.
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You are welcome bud. Looking forward to reading more of your poetry.
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This one feels very elusive to me, especially with such a mysterious title. As if the subjects are speaking in a language all of their own, with their own reference points. Your instinctive grasp on rhythm makes it a pleasure to keep rereading - I'm turning it over and over, coming to different conclusions each time.
It's like you as a narrator are everywhere and nowhere at the same time; in the wind, in time, the sea and the sky. Who are these circles - and will they ever figure out what they really mean haha?
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Congrats brother! ;) you got the 100 SP delegation for 7 days
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