I like the irony of Synergy.
Lightbulb Sun is beautiful.
I'd have changed or removed the title of "Cherubim Fountains," as it gives a bit too clearly what the garden is. Which, as you know, I'm a fan of, that specific imagery.
"Fear and Loathing," though the titular piece, I feel is the weakest. But it is still fitting as the title, because it tells us what this piece is. We try to make sense, but who's to say we're all talking the same tongue? You wrote of Babel, so I know this is the hidden reference. But also, who is speaking through us? Is it the poet, the children's tale narrator, or is it the one tired of it all? Who wishes they could return to the garden?
Agreed. The best writings are rarely the ones that receive all the fanfare, I'm hoping lightbulb sun fits somewhere more cozy later.
Hoping I can write a poem in the vein of synergy at some point as well, have a small collection of words and phrases and notes for it that will live in a folder filed away until further inspiration.
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Remember what I told you with regards to Sky Burial? I think you need to accept the most fitting place for the best poems is rarely the coziest. The coziest is when you are allowed to slink into the shadows, to share the spotlight and deflect the glares.
But that is not where the best pieces belong. They belong in the cold hard light.
I'm also not sure what you mean about hoping you can write a poem in the vein of synergy at some point - you just did, here! :D
And if we look at some of the feedback I gave you on later pieces, trying to fit all those pieces of jammed paper together into a longer piece is exactly what doesn't fit such an abrupt idea, maybe. Something to consider!
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