It is hard for me to write when I am feeling down.
It feels like I am getting all of my negative energy, and putting it out to the Universe to come back to me later.
When journaling "bad" or "negative" thoughts and feelings, it feels like a healing process: I wrote it down, I let it out, and I processed it. Sometimes I bump into the entries months or even years later and let myself cross them out or rip them out. It feels good to let go.
Image by Ulrike Mai from Pixabay
On a blog in the blockchain, writing and letting it all out is just the beginning. Once you publish it, even if you let it go, the process is just starting. Your readers feel your pain, they comment back, they have empathy with you.
Posts are live for seven days, so one bad day post, can be extended.
I am having a hard time, and I hope it is fleeting. I am visiting my husband, and not so happy about it. Some of the traits that made me want to live in a separate household are being magnified. I don't know if they have "gotten worse" or if my tolerance has "gotten lower."
I am really concentrating on letting the arguments not happen. You can see them coming from a mile away, and sometimes, they are hard to avoid. Unfortunately, for me, just listening, and letting it roll off my back doesn't work so well, not when I am being accused of wrongdoings that didn't happen.
Or being asked to explain myself.
Or getting accused of not taking care of my children.
And then I remind myself what divorce really means: that I will have shared custody and stretches of time where I really won't be parenting my children, because they will be only with the father.
I buckle down and find solutions.
You are a strong woman, you'll find your way through. ❤️
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It's not easy being in the position you are in, but you are not the only one who has been there (even though it feels like it!). If you both are willing to seek help to understand the real issues (they aren't always obvious!) and work through the tough times, it would be a Good Thing for all concerned! Remember that it's rarely a one-sided issue. We have to take a hard look at ourselves as well (I've been there and [eventually] saw how I was contributing to the problems). It's not that we are 'bad', but sometimes we are influenced by factors that we aren't even aware of. When we can see things more clearly, it is easier to deal with the real issues. We had our issues together (and I was a significant contributor in this case!), but once I started learning more about myself, I was able to be a better partner to my wife. We are doing much better now - largely because of how patient she was with me as I worked on my issues (and she did find some of her own as well).
We all have issues! It's how we deal with them that matters.
Hand in there! There is always hope...
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