Dear Diary: I Am Now Scared About My Health Situation

When joint pains, stiffness, and weakness goes together nothing is more scarier and horrifying. It is what I am feeling with my body right now and I am worried because it seems that my efforts are not paying as I would expect it to be. I am just concentrating not to fall down while walking because certainly I will topple over with some slight shove by a child perhaps. That is why I am staying at my bed and only would get out at toilet and bath time, when I sit at the lounge, and when going out for my dialysis.

My weakness is profound so that worries me because what I wanted is to be at least mobile even around the house. I can't afford to be totally invalid because of my aging parents. What if what happens to them? But nothing that I could do but to just cling to hope or what I perceive to be some hope. I am just likening myself to that of a fish in a polluted lake, there is water but barely sustaining my existence.

There is a saying that nothing is forever, here on earth we can extend our lives like in my case but we can never be around forever. What we can just do is to make each other's lives easier because it is hard to live in this life as we are always in a constant battle to survive it. In this lifetime we are just tested so we could get the chance to be in a better place free from the scalding heat of the sun, no more fear, worries, grief, sorrows, and sadness.