Looking back before, I told myself not to commit and be old maid someday. Not because I don't want to but because of a deep pain that I had and the experienced that I may scared of.
Later, changed my perception. Its not that easy to go on in life without someone. Its not easy to wake up each morning without anyone sleeping beside you. Its not easy to have meals when no one's gonna cooked for you. Its not easy to share boredom and desolution in life when no one's there to listen to you, too. Its not that easy when youre sick and no one's there to take care of you.
Thirty-three is just a number but sounded like a matured one and actually I am getting pressured by the people I really loved. Just suddenly thought of something that makes me realized and missed when I was in mids 20's. I haven't made myself happy. Indeed, I deprived myself for the thought of.. "NO ONE COULD EVER LOVED ME..."
I restrain myself. Commitment is a big word for me. Its not having a mushy words that you can throw at each other. Its not the body and sex that eventually be considered but having that person loving you as a WHOLE. His own uniqueness, his own flaws and his own imperfections.
I have missed those times when laughing out hard with someone. Crying with someone and patting you're shoulder and said, "It will be fine" . As if you're getting tired of everything and someone's gonna cheers you up! Someone you can share all your worries, pain, happiness, dreams, and goals in life.
That feeling is something that is so precious to me. Something that I can cherished and treasured. Cause every memories counted without changed.
💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
"Things are different on its own ways"