Partys Large
An engagement party is an opportunity for your families to meet and get to know each other better, and for your friends to mix and mingle prior to the big event. Plus, of course, it’s a chance to celebrate your great news with the important people in your lives.
Traditionally, engagement parties were held by the bride’s parents, but today it’s much more common for the couple to organise and host their own event. As opposed to weddings, engagement parties are usually informal and relaxed, perhaps involving games and other entertainment. There are no hard-and-fast rules, however –
it is up to you how you make your celebration unique and special.
If you already live together and you have plenty of room for entertaining, you might like to have the party at your home. A close friend or one or other set of parents may want to host the party at their place, but make sure you talk to them about the kind of celebration you want, and help out with organising and cleaning up. To keep everything simple, you might like to choose a local venue, such as a restaurant or bar you enjoy going to, or the beach where the proposal took place.
Newlyweds Amanda and Brent wanted to have a small, intimate celebration on a budget, so they invited friends and family along for drinks at a local bar, on a night when they knew it would otherwise be quiet. ‘We didn’t have a lot of money to spend, so we arranged to have a gathering at a place we and our friends like to go to,’ says Amanda. ‘We didn’t have to hire the whole bar – we just arranged some nibbles and set up a bar tab, so everyone could have a few drinks. People could come and go as they pleased, so lots of friends were able to pop in and celebrate with us.’
The main thing to remember is that you already have a really big party coming up so you don’t want to blow your wedding budget on your engagement celebration. No one will be expecting a full sit-down dinner or formal affair – it could be a coffee-and-cake afternoon tea, a casual barbecue or lunch, evening drinks or a supper. If you have some older relatives that you want to invite as well as your own circle of friends, consider having a staggered event where the older guests can arrive earlier, and the younger people can party on late!
As with your wedding, you might want to have a theme for your engagement party, which can add to the sense of fun and celebration. Sarah and Benjamin rolled out the red carpet for their engagement party with a ‘Hollywood glamour’ theme. The invites were designed to look like film tickets, the venue was decorated with movie posters, and guests were served martinis and delicious canapés. Bride-to-be Vicky and her fiancé Jared chose Roger Hargreaves’ Mr Men and Little Miss characters as their theme, and guests were asked to come as their favourite character. ‘We had games to suit the theme, too, including a quiz about the characters in the books,’ says Vicky.
Keep it relaxed and fun, and don’t get stressed trying to do everything yourselves. Enlist the help of friends or your wedding party to share the load of arranging invitations, decorations, food and drinks, and make getting ready for the party enjoyable. Vicky and Jared’s party was held in their local church hall and was a team effort, with friends and family helping out with the decorations, catering and music.
Jared’s mother made a special cake, complete with iced figurines of Mr Happy (Jared) and Little Miss Sunshine (Vicky).
In terms of who to invite, there are no hard and fast rules. It’s really up to you whether you invite all your family or friends or just your nearest and dearest. If you’re planning a large wedding, you don’t need to invite everyone to the engagement party – you may like to stick with close friends and family and make it an intimate celebration. If you’ve made it known that you’re having a very small wedding – perhaps family only – or if you’re getting married overseas or in another town, you may have a longer list of people you’d like to invite.
The party might be casual or informal, but it’s good to have one or more people make a short speech or toast at some stage. Either you or your fiancé could say a few words to thank everyone for attending – good practice for your wedding day! – and one or both sets of parents might welcome the opportunity to express their best wishes to the happy couple. If there’s going to be a toast, ensure everyone’s drinks are topped up beforehand.
Gifts are not expected at engagement parties, but many guests will still want to bring you a little something. Etiquette and tradition suggest that gifts be given prior to the party, but if some guests do bring them along, be discreet and open them after the event, so others don’t feel uncomfortable. And don’t forget to send thank-you notes!
The biggest key to having a successful engagement party is simply to enjoy yourselves. Don’t stress yourself out with elaborate arrangements or blow your budget, and make the planning and organising part of the fun. And think about how great your wedding is going to be – this is just the beginning!
