No, my hormones aren’t messed up. Yes, I’ve explored many facets of sexuality. I’ve fucked and sucked with the best of them, I’ve conceived 13 children and given birth to five (the others lost in miscarriage and stillbirth.)
I’ve been with a fuck load of dudes and a handful of women and I know for sure, 100% sure, that I am asexual.
It’s offensive to me when people ask me if I’ve had my hormones checked, or “maybe you just haven’t found the right one.”
Here’s the deal.
I have sex with my husband when he wants to. It doesn’t bother me. It’s good sex as far as sex goes, but it’s utterly unimportant to me and always has been. My husband knows how to make my body work, but I don’t care a single bit if it happens or not.
I first identified as asexual at age 14 in 1996 when it wasn’t even a thing. People laughed at me so I started fucking people. Blah. It’s boring. The physical sensations are just not important to me. It’s like peeing after you’ve had to hold it for a long time. Yes, feels good, but not something I’m interested in pursuing at all.
I am attracted to people but not in a sexual way. I tend to be more physically attracted to men and I’d be happiest in a relationship with a man. (I’m happily married for going on 16 years to an amazing man.)
Where does gender play into this?
Well, I was assigned female at birth and I have parts for carrying babies. I use she/her pronouns. But I’m not a woman or a man. I am a human being. I don’t wear gender qualifying clothes, ever. I choose gender neutral clothing at all times and would feel absolutely out of place in men’s or women’s clothes. I’ve always felt this way since very early childhood. I never did anything stereotypically male or female in my childhood, instead of toys I wrote long stories and read a ton of books, like I do now. As a teenager I got into the punk scene which was excellent for my style, no dresses or lace but instead denim and studs.
I’m a mom which is traditionally a female role. I am nurturing, which is neither male or female but universal in the species for the survival of the species.
So yes, asexual and agender are real things, and no, there is nothing wrong with me. Assuming so makes you a bigot. I’m 100% comfortable in my non conforming skin, and I’m not missing out on anything spectacular. Sex isn’t important to me, orgasms are like sneezes, and I won’t wear a suit or a gown.
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