Dear Diary: Why I Haven't Chosen A Kidney Transplant As It Could Have Transformed My Life For The Better

I had been pursuing a kidney transplant and the only reason that is holding me back was the financial constraints that is needed to have such important surgery that really could have transformed my life for the better since getting a kidney transplant will save me from what I am suffering today which gives me misery although I am trying to show the world that I am okay but deep inside was a lonely and frustrated person that keeps on struggling to see what is in the other side of this life and beyond.

The first time I had a dialysis was different and I have no idea what it was and how I should feel and I haven,t known that I was also getting a bad medical attention until it was too late. I believe that if only I was taught and made aware of my medical condition as a dialysis patient, things would turn up different like what I had learned from other patients with similar condition.

Anyway, even maybe if I will be given a good and ample medical attention, I wouldn't be able to afford it anyway and will all in all will boil down to not getting a good medical care that I needed which what had happened because I was suggested to get a kidney transplant but my family is not supportive enough that it really was not possible.

I could have the family of my own

The only person who was determined to pursue my transplant was one of my brothers. He was just a factory employee and his salary would not be substantial for the initial expenses that will be needed to get myself a new life through kidney transplantation. My other siblings haven't done anything about my condition and my father in the other hand had given up on me on day one. I was left to fend up for myself and kept my nose just above the waters all the time.

So I tried to endure my condition all throughout the years until my bones had shown the signs of weakness. First I had felt weak gradually, it took years until the point that I can't even open a closed jar or water bottle or get up from a squatting position until now. Then I felt stiffness and then pain on my joints and then the backbone collapse and finally my Leontiasis condition which transformed my appearance into a grotesque-looking looks, not to mention the eating and speech disability that it is giving me.

Also, the kind of kidney disease that I had is different so it held me back. It was one of those types that would recur when I do get a kidney transplant. I couldn't find my copy of my kidney biopsy but it was posted here by @girlbeforemirror. So I am not in the position to get a transplant then but I don't know now, the game probably had changed based on the advances on kidney transplant aftercare and techniques I maybe could still see a brighter life than this intersting one that I had been battling through all these painful years. God help me.

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