How to Accrue Instant Nobility - Part I

Americans want to be seen as noble and tend to be genuinely good people for the most part. Many of us are worried about how we are perceived and so we portray ourselves, particularly on social media sites, as wonderful people. We want to be seen as compassionate, caring, understanding, accepting, and ahead of the curve. Sincerely doing this, of course, requires a lot of work and self-sacrifice. Sadly, Americans tend to be lazy too.

So, if you wanted to accrue nobility, but did not really want to exert yourself very much, then what would be some of the easier ways to do this? First, you would have to see what the latest trends are in ‘Dumb Things People Care About.’ Remember how fast ‘Going Green’ infiltrated the zeitgeist? All of a sudden, every body was talking about ‘going green’; it was in the commercials, it was on the news, and it was even in the sports casts. ’21 Jump Street’ poked fun at this fad via Dave Franco’s character by the way, and it was hilarious.

If you are slothful but have money to blow, then you could get a Prius. Again, the movie ’The Other Guys’ starring Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell, and one particularly humorous episode of ‘South Park’ have taken shots at Prius owners for being smug environmentalists who think they are better than everyone else because they drive this silent deadly machine. However, it still denotes instant nobility among certain segments of society if you drive one.

Going vegan is also popular among elitists. After a while you may not have the strength to lift your head or stand fully erect, but you will be a hero among the left. Progressives also love crappy folk music so get into that. I would tell you what artists to check out, but I do not listen to that tripe. Crappy rap music will also show that you are hip and ‘down for the struggle’ with your left wing urban pals…or hippies in general.

You can proudly state that, “Not all Muslims are terrorists,” even though no one has ever said that. You can attend all of the campus peace rallies, if you are in school, and not really do anything…just attend. It is like ‘Jihab Awareness Day’ that recently took place at Maryville University in St. Louis, MO. What in the hell is that? Were you not aware that there are things called jihabs? I was. It reminds me of ‘Breast Cancer Awareness’ that the NFL promotes every October. We have been “joining in the fight against breast cancer” for years now. Who is still not aware it exists?

If you have time to kill and need to burn a few calories you could march with people. You can get instant nobility by marching. For example, there have been a lot of women’s marches lately where they parade around in pussy hats and costumes. If you are a guy you could try marching with them, if they allow you. Just be careful if anyone asks what the purpose of the march is because I’m pretty sure even the organizers of it do not know.

Another way to be a ‘progressive hero’ is to constantly go around and correct how people talk. You know, tell them what they can and can’t say like these LGBTLMNOP people have been doing for a while now with the ‘he’ and ‘her’ and ‘they’ and ‘them.’ I, for one, absolutely love it when my language is corrected, don’t you?

If you are on social media, be sure to constantly repost anything left wing sites like the Huffington Post print, and do it with servant-like devotion. Be a good little soldier and mindlessly share with others what the liberal main stream media outlets tell you what to think and say with their marching orders. And while you are there, preach about ‘diversity’ - CONSTANTLY. Tell everyone you are for gay marriage at the same time holding a pro-illegal immigration poster that emphasizes to ‘Let Them In’ for Muslim immigrants especially.

Be sure to take every Martin Luther King Day off, but continue to defile his ‘dream’ for a ‘color-blind society’ the other 364 days out of the year. Also, cry ‘racism’ as often as possible as if there is a racist boogeyman behind every corner. Tell everyone that you support Bernie Sanders and that Communism just “has not been tried by the right people yet.” Bernie supporters love to regurgitate that mantra.

Get a whole bunch of tattoos and piercings to give you non-conformity cred - like everyone else is doing. You see, this is way easier than actually applying effort to stand out, such as truly accomplishing something amazing or doing anything substantive. No, it is much better to just look like you fell down the stairs holding your dad's tackle box. And if you are angry that I did not say mother's tackle box, then you are the reason I am writing this in the first place.

Continued in Part II…