Life is full of conundrums Ron, and the more you stumble upon them, i think you will create your own reality and metaphorically start bending spoons. Nobody cares about you like the way you do, remember that.
Now this is just my advice and i know ill be getting some flak from the 420 crowd but cut that pot out bro. THC intensifies everything and is considered a mild hallucinogen. Try giving it up for a month and see if you find more clarity. I smoked for 13 years and quit 5 years ago. If i regretted quitting, id be back smoking now.
Thats just my 2 cents bro. FTW, create your own reality.