Don’t let people have power over you...
So, I want to get more talkative and get what is in my head out my mouth and not necessarily by writing!
My answer is set to myself this challenge where I have 2 Talk for 3 Minutes or more in 1 Take, with 0 Script.
Who knows what will come out my mouth haha!
I had a phone call yesterday from the ex’s mother asking me to get on a Skype call that afternoon and that Mikey would be there and she started going on about how ‘broken’ he was, having been homeless for the last year and staying with them was the last option.
I let this get in my head and I shouldn’t because, although I will take a small portion of the blame, he did have the opportunity to stay until he got a place sorted, but it was made impossible when threats starting flying about.
His actions lead to this, not mine and I have to remember that, as otherwise he has still power over me and 10 years is quite enough of that.
Anyway I didn’t Skype that day, because another power struggle was going on!
My 7 year old decided the world was ending because I didn’t buy her a present, at the same time as buying a present for her friend, so she could take it the party the following day.
OH MY GOD!
In the supermarket, she just would not budge and stood there shrieking “I will not move until you buy me EVERYTHING, I want!”
Me: Don’t be a SPOILT BRAT!
Her: I am NOT a spoilt brat.
Anyway, after about 20 minutes of this stand off, she wasn’t going to come of her own free will, so she got unceremoniously dragged home by her wrists.
Thankfully people were sympathetic and not too judging and I got lots of offers of help, although what they thought they could help with, I don’t know. She is a stubborn sh*t, when she is like that.
Wrote a poem in the midst of it, as I was hid under the duvet. Sometimes I’m not cut out for this mothering lark.
3 hours of tears and a cancelled party later, it was time for the Skype call and tantrums were still on going, so I phoned up and said that Skype could be done the following day and spoke to my ex’s father.
10 minutes later, another call from the mum again - why did I cancel?, could Daddy speak on phone to Hazel?
I grew a pair and told her “I said tomorrow, now” and hung up.
The following day, when the Skype called happened, he tried telling the children that it was down to me that they couldn’t go to visit him (to a certain extent that is true, but also a slight matter of restraining order against him), to which I asked “Do you want me to terminate Skype calls?” And the conversation went better after that.
If he thinks I am doing that weekly, he has another thing coming. I will have to write a carefully constructed letter to the in-laws this week, and put everything in black and white clear terms, as I know they won’t afford me that opportunity by speaking to them, or maybe I’ll get my solicitor to do it.
So yes, I have not completely mastered the no power over me bit, because he pisses me off so bad, but working hard on it
.
Don’t let people have power over you. It is your choice.
Don’t waste 10 years, like I did.
You decide which pieces of advice to act on, listen to, or not listen to, how to live your life.
Keep to your dreams and don’t try to configure them to someone else.
If you are lucky they will support you through thick and thin and if not, they might tell you not to dream so big, or that you are stupid.
Dream as high as you like, and you are not stupid.
At the end of day, it is your life and no-one can take control of that, unless you let them.
If in doubt, follow your gut instinct and learn to listen and trust that, sometimes it is not wise to question ‘why’, it will become clear in time.
Or ignore everything I say!
It’s your life.
Your Power.
End of rant
Over and out
@Hopehuggs <3
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So true. I'm really working on this.
And good on you for standing up to your ex. I let my son go stay with my exes parents every summer and every other Christmas/thanksgiving. He wasn't allowed to stay with his dad, only his grandparents. Then, when my son turned 18, I found out that his dad was hitting him regularly while visiting with him at the grandparents house. He had never hit him when we were together (I'm super strict about no spanking ever, and I probably would have killed him if he'd hit my child). I was devastated. You're very wise to draw this boundary. I was suspicious, but of course my son always lied and said everything was fine. Shoulda trusted that gut.
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It certainly isn't easy and I'm gutted for you that this was the case.
The grandparent situation would be exactly the same set up here too.
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I was really miserable about it for a long time, but he's the one losing big. He destroyed his relationship with his son. And luckily my son's life with me was really good.
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that's the perfect vlog to check out nicely done thanks for sharing :)
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They get a bit better each time.
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I love that you are taking back your power. It will get easier the more you do it. You are setting a great example for your daughters.
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I truly hope so.
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HOLY SHIT SNACKS HOPE! That sucks I'm sorry to hear that! Dude, I gotta be honest, if my kid did that in the store, I'd be like ha! BYE FELICIA! No way would I let that stand. Good for you for not giving in to assclownary! As for the ex-inlaws! Um excuse me....my kids! I will decide the schedule thank you...(that's you) I just don't understand. Why won't they just talk to you? Isn't that what adults do? Man, you deserve an award for that crap...
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I was always such a walkover. Need to make that call and be assertive!
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True it can be liberating
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Yes, taking back that control certainly is.
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Power.....never make others to take decisions in your life.
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It's my life!
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Absolutely @hopehuggs 👍! We must not let others dictate our agendas (especially if it is not for our betterment) and never share our dreams with dream stealers!
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Too many energy vampires out there. Steemit people seem different though.
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Agree, Steemit community is one awesome lot ☺
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I recently discovered i have been giving more power to others than myself so I can relate.
I am a strong person i had many things happen in the last few years and little by little I was losing myself.
I am now aware and have decided to take my power back.It is a great feeling !
Thanks for sharing
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definitely, something you have to do is take yourself to the side and take stock of where you are, to make sure you are on the path of your decisions, no-one elses.
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Exactly! I totally agree with you
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Hopehuggs, very good post! Hope that things will get better for you and your children.
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Thank you <3
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Wow, I remember the early days of my divorce. It was no fun. Hang in there. I think you're doing great. Setting boundaries (for everyone!) is necessary. You DO have the power!!
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Sometimes it is just the lack of energy that is the hardest part. I will stay strong though, thank you.
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Don't give him any ground. He had his chance to be a good person. You owe him nothing.
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Half of me agrees. But always that little voice that says otherwise.
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I only know that you are very strong and brave last, you have achieved larger heights in your life. Stay as you are :)
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Thanks @tasauver
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Kudos to you for standing up for yourself and your kids and postponing the Skype call for the following day. It would have not been a good time to take the call from your ex, and I'm sure it could have just made everything worse.
I do agree with you about letting others have power over you. I do let that happen, to some degree, with my own mother. She is very opinionated in my life and lets me know it. I ignore more of what she says now than I used to, but it's still hard sometimes not to let her get to me.
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Yes, my father is like that. And then I wonder how I end up with controlling people! But I know better now (maybe)
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Hope, you have become a very firm and connected person with yourself. My first divorce was final in 1986 but remember it well.
I didn't have kids to deal with except for the wife. Boy, did she throw a tantrum!
But take each day as it comes and you are better off than you think. I'm proud that you have stuck with your values and time will heal those wounds soon enough.
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Yes, I don't know whose tantrums were worse haha
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