In The Pocket Of My Jeans Are Coins And A Broken Dream

Growing up, it was a different plan i set for myself. Well then when we were young if we were asked what we wanted to become, we mostly say we want to become a doctor, engineer, lawyer e.t.c. I guess we had little insights when we young and did not know that there are a lot of factors contributing to whatever one wants to become in future. As for me i thought as long as i went to school, i will become whatever i wanted to become. I did not consider factors like, one has to be serious, ability of parents in terms of financial capabilities, ability of an individual in terms of brain capability, area of concentration probably it will not even be through education that one will make it in the future.

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Nigerian parents contribute immensely to the decisions that Nigerian children make when they are young. Since as kids we grew up believing that our parents are our gods and everything they say is right. An average Nigerian child will not collect things from strangers because his parent has told him not to. Mostly it comes with a lie. They can sometimes say that if we collect anything from strangers, Ojuju will come and carry us( Ojuju is is a made up beast or should i say ghost that do not exist that our parents use in scaring us thereby putting us into order) My mum will say that if i collect anything from strangers that she will disappear and i will not see her again. The usually instill fear in me as i always want to see my mum. Who doesn't except the mother is wicked. even at that there is no love greater than that between a mother and a child.

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My point is that we will believe anything our parents told us then. So they made us believe that doctors, lawyers, pilots, engineers e.t.c are the only ones successful and footballers, soldiers, cobblers, fashion designers are not. They mostly do not do us the pleasure of allowing us to make our own decisions. So it is as if i carried my parents dreams with me and i left mine somewhere. Growing up to a point where i can discern between left and right, it became to change the mindset i had from the scratch.

In a bid to continue pursuing the dream that my parents had laid down i went to science in senior secondary school one. After two terms i discovered that i could not continue with a science class cos i was not just into science. Deep in my mind i wanted to become a soldier. I do watch them on the television and i see them around. I loved the way they did things orderly, the way they carry their guns, dressed looking smart and the respect giving to them. The way way give their life to protect others. Who would i tell i wanted to become a soldier. I would just receive the beating of my life.

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As my results were not good i had no choice than to drop to a commercial class. It was a bit better but it was no where near what i wanted. I just wanted to go and Join the Nigerian defense academy. I could not because my parents will never allow me to go. I continued my life the way it was going , then after secondary school, it was the university. Now a graduate with a bachelor degree working in a farm. I feel like my dreams have been tampered with. I was not given the chance to make my own decisions. Sometimes i feel i should hate my parents for that but at the same time i feel i might have been dead if i had join the force i wanted to join. But all the same i would have been glad i made my own choice and worked towards it not going in the direction that somebody has laid down for me.

I find it difficult to survive. Everyday i cry over my present situation. This is not where i want to be. This is not how i want my life. I want something better. I wan to be able to put food on the table. Soon i will plan to get married and i do not even have money to buy a bed not to talk of renting a room. My dreams have been shattered. Sometimes i try my best not to believe that it was not because i did not follow my dreams that i am in this difficult situation but how would i know? There is no second chance. I just have to stay strong and try to hustle towards a better future but before then i will still be the boy with a broken dream and coins in his pocket.

Thanks For Reading. Steem On

                             [courtesy](@gbenga)