Voiceshares #6 - Being Gay, Umemployed - My Stuggles With Life and Difficulty to Come Out Of Closet - I'm Depressed!!!!steemCreated with Sketch.

in voiceshares •  7 years ago 

Am 38 years old and I have been suffering depression on and off for a many years. It all started in my early 20's when I graduated from college and couldn't find employment. I applied severally and sent out countless resumes but nothing came of it. I am from Africa and it can be quite challenging finding a decent job inspite of the fact that I have a good degree.

homeless.jpg

Source

Four years of unemployment went on before I decided to move to Dubai in the middl-east. In those four years of unemployment some days I didn't get out of bed, didn't eat sometimes...I just felt awful.If not for my mum I would be homeless too.In Dubai I worked a couple of crappy jobs with long working hours and very little pay. It was like modern day slavery.

This went on for like 8 years and I had to come back home because I couldn't handle it any more. Back home I found another crappy job, it was a cleaning job that was paying next to nothing, I couldn't even afford to move out of home. This is still going on and am struggling to get a good job despite having a business admin degree. I feel so sad and useless.

Another source of depression in my life is being in the closet. We live in Africa and it is hard to tell your family you are gay. I have had to keep my relationships secret and to hide my true feelings for many years. Now they are wondering when am going to get married. I have no idea how to tell my mum about it.

Sometimes I wanna move so far away from here but I have no money to do that. I want to meet the man of my dreams and be happy. But my life is like at a stand still. Days of sorrow and sadness abound in my life right now. Hopefully, I will figure out a way out of this.

That is my basic story, I wanted to keep it short. I would have added more details but it could be a long boring read.


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There is no shame on telling the truth to the world, it's your life and you have all the rights to live with peace. As far as your job is concerned, I myself did MBA and did two jobs for almost 5 years. No matter you find a while color job or not, job is still a slavery and I would suggest you to start learning some skills like digital marketing, coding or networking. These will pay you off surely. I myself have started working on HTML and now my dream is to become the best coder of the world.
Stay blessed!

hey man thanks for sharing your story - takes courage to put yourself out there especially in the context of letting your family down. Their perception often time carries massive influence in their life.

Couple thoughts for you -

  1. Gotta tell your friends and family - trying to live a hidden life is a slow trickle to death - and probably a major factor in feeling depressed. I'm guessing your family may have a diverse initial response that may not feel good in the moment - but I'm also guessing your family will actually embrace you and support you. Thats what family is supposed to do.

  2. Religon and homosexuality have some crazy clashes. Most of them painful. But I have sought my Creator and found Him to be kind, gentle and my source of peace. I didn't have to go to some religion or church - I simply went straight to the source. I found Him to be gracious and incredibly present. So that could be a great source of life as well. My process was just in my bed, God if your real show yourself.

Both of these two areas are real sensitive and have the capacity to be really painful. But I think in your road to healing they need to be taking head on, and let the response come. Proud of you - and thankful for the dialogue

live big today

First, I LOVE YOU!!!
Now, YOU need to learn to love you as much as I do. PLEASE start by looking into getting off as many preservatives and GMO foods as possible. You are what yo eat, if you are eating toxins you will have a toxic mental state.
I SURVIVED years of suicidal depression, and now I enjoy life again. It began with getting my physical health under control. I highly recommend intermittent fasting with ketogenic diet. Dr. Eric Berg on youtube is a great resource. There are other things I would be happy to share with you, but this is the most important thing I can offer as a real tool for getting out of depression.

I agree, 'flushing out' toxins from unhealthy processed foodstuffs improves mental clarity and will help you find your voice :)

Thank you for sharing your story! I bet there are many others who are living in the closet in Africa or anywhere else in the world that could find identification and support in your words. Many good things come with being honest and letting people know the real you, but I understand that it is not as easy to come out of the closet in Africa as it is in many places in Europe. I think your family would still support you, but only you can know if that is the case. I hope that you one day will be able to find the man of your dreams and live freely and happily! Keep fighting and good things will come sooner or later. Thank you for sharing your story!

We are very happy to see the overwhelming support for the story by our readers, it is this concept we believe to create a support system ,People connect with the stories as they would have undergone a similar situation... It is indeed good to see all the efforts pay off!!!

Don't be sad, rather march forward.
do something constructive ( Veg. garden, Poultry, plantation {palm oil})
A door is opened for you surely.

We all are a fighter buddy and I am sure you can be a winner in this fight. You just have to keep your head high and sail through this tough times. I am sure you will come out from this situation very soon. Namaste from India.

Take this Three important points

  1. Love yourself , don't think about what the people will see you ,what the people say about you.
    2.Face everything , ifs your life nobuddy will have rules to control you.
    3.Think positive , it will defenetiely change everything you think about yourself ignore the negatives Live Like a Legand

I have been in this same boat as you my friend. I knew from a very young age that I gay. I felt ashamed and hid it from everyone just like you have. Then when i moved away from home at the age of 21 I found the freedom to really experience what gay life was all about. My parents were in Cape Town and I moved to Johannesburg. A few months afterwords i met someone and we fell in love. I didnt want to hide him or my relationship with him but i felt very afraid of what my parents would say. I came to a point eventually where I felt that I cant live a secret life like this anymore. So I called my mom and told her I was gay. She told me that she already knew and that it doesnt change who I am. I am still the same son I was before I told her and she loves me no matter what because I am her son. So our parents love us my friend and they very rarely react the way we think they will. Its normal human nature to think the worst will happen. Besides, moms have a sixth sense about these things. So deep down Im sure your mom already knows to. So my advice would be to tell your mom coz she loves you so Im sure she wont reject you. She seems loving and caring if you are livng with them now. Once you get that hurdle out of the way you will feel better about yourself and your self esteem will drastically improve. That will help you to be more positive and you will have the courage to go out there and find the job of your dreams. Good luck my friend. I hope this has been helpful. I did it so you can to.

Although I have no idea how things in Africa work, being gay is a aspect of you and a choice. Its not your fault society doesn't accept personal choices. I'm sure you will find a job despite your current circumstances, if truly want something there is always a way to achieve it. Its all a matter of effort and sacrifices if needed.

Being gay is not a choice. Contrary to what most straight society believe, You are born gay. I have never chosen to be attracted to men, I just am, just like the author of this article.

Be patient.I what do you feel.

nice post i really like this post
I will wait for the next post

Nice post.Sometimes I wanna move so far away from here but I have no money to do that. I want to meet the man of my dreams and be happy. But my life is like at a stand still. Days of sorrow and sadness abound in my life right now. Hopefully, I will figure out a way out of this.

nice post i really like this post
I will wait for the next post

nice post upvoted your vote is important for me @deshwal

  ·  7 years ago Reveal Comment