The best things in life are not free. You can appreciate them, take them for granted, pay them back/forward or simply abuse them. But I want you to know that they are not free; someone is paying for them.

First, Let’s Deal With A ‘Little’ Misconception

The best thing in life is the gift of life.

I don’t agree with that statement. What is life? I dare say it is simply a state of existence. On its own, it means nothing. It simply means to exist. The best things in life are those things that make life meaningful, that give purpose to life. Without those things, it makes no difference if a person is alive or not. To prove my point, consider someone who is brain-dead, who cannot feel or communicate any thought or feeling. That person is alive but certainly cannot experience the best things in life. What is life when the best things have been taken away from you?

What Are The Best Things In Life?

The best things in life, aren’t ‘things’ in terms of material possessions. They are abstracts, they can only be experienced at the cognitive level. These things include: Love, Understanding, Respect, Loyalty and Peace.

Of course, the above list isn’t exhaustive; you can probably think of other stuff to add to the list. Whatever you add, the point remains that these things are necessary for us to enjoy our lives. These things inform the way we think, talk and act

Love

Love doesn’t cost a thing?

This is a popular line promoted by movies and songs. It seems to say love is just something everyone can give to anyone. It is a free gift. Well, nothing could be farther than the true.

Love denotes sacrifice. We live in a very selfish world. Everyone generally watches out for their own interest. When a person say they love you, it means they are willing to add your own interest to theirs. They are saying you are a major determinant of what their words, thoughts, actions and desires will be - and that’s certainly not what you can do for just anyone.

Love is not free. When you feel loved, someone is paying the price in the background. That person is willing to give up some things for you. That person is giving you a space in their heart. You can appreciate it, reciprocate or even abuse it. But remember, love is not free; it comes at a cost.

Understanding

Seek first to understand and then be understood.

The above line was made popular by Steven R. Covey. It underlines the principle for harmonious coexistence. It is saying that we should try to understand why people act the way they do before we begin to cast judgements and make demands. Before we begin to assert our rights to thinking, talking and acting the way we do, we must realise that other people possess those rights too.

The implication of this is simple: Understanding is not free. When someone tries to understand you, they are making an investment. They are forgoing their right to be first understood because they want to understand you. Ultimately, they are paying a price. Perhaps, it is because they love you, or they simply care about your emotion or it is their way of life. Whatever the reason, realise that they are giving up something for you to express yourself. The least you can do is respect that and don’t be a dick (forgive the expletive).

Respect

Respect is reciprocal

Everyone wants to be respected. Respect is simply saying I’m human and you're human. Respect has nothing to do with wealth, status, age or power - if you need those before you can respect a person, you are a jerk (yeah, I said it!)

When someone respect you, they are simply recognising your humanity. They are saying you are one of us. You have the right to live and express yourself just as we have the right to. The only ground for a person to be disrespected (in my opinion) is when they are inhumane. I’m saying if you begin to act inhumanely, then you have no right to be respected. Because in so doing, you have deemed others unworthy of respect.

And yes, respect costs too. It is a deposit of sort. When someone meets you for the first time and respects you as a fellow human, they are making a deposit on your behalf. They don’t know if you're humane or not, they don't know if their respect will be reciprocated. They are sticking out their limbs for you. They have exposed themselves to a somewhat degree. Respect isn’t free. The least you can do is give it back, at least in the measure you were given.

Loyalty

Loyalty is my currency.

That’s actually my line. I place a premium on loyalty. In fact, it is one of the things that determines how much you mean to me. Loyalty is beyond just taking sides. It is the decision to follow someone to hell if they are bent on going there while also expressing your objections (if you have any). If you find that definition a bit harsh, well, I hope it helps to impress the need for you to choose your loyalties well.

Loyalty costs a lot. For me, it is saying I am wiling to stand by you till the end of the world. People have different conditions for giving out their loyalties. For some, you have to be loyal to them. For others, they just give it out to certain people even if the people they give it out to don’t return the gesture in the same measure - mostly in the case of popular figures. Well, it’s all up to personal opinion. But if you ever find someone who’s loyal to you, remember that it isn’t free. That person is putting a lot on the line for you. Be wise with your words, thoughts and actions.

Peace

Sometimes to gain peace, you need to fight a war

Everyone wants to live peaceful lives (there are exceptions though), however, peace always comes at a price. We live in a highly subjective and fast paced world. To make sense of it all and make quick decisions, people set up their own world-views and live by them. Most times, they are happy and find peace in that state. The problem occurs when there is a clash of interests, either internally or externally.

Internally, there are times we feel our bodies and/or minds revolting against us. For instance, imagine you’re down with a flu and really want to go out jogging. You long to feel the morning sun and its warm breeze but your body is too weak. To make a compromise, you probably move your bed to the window and open the binders. In that moment, you were able to achieve peace through compromise. Externally, it is not always that simple.

When there are clashes, ‘war’ is bound to occur. This war could be verbal, emotional, financial or physical. This war causes the absence of peace. To achieve peace, one or all parties must come to a compromise. There has to be some accommodating to ensure peace reigns.

But we don’t always experience war. Our partners might just refused to raise an argument when we suddenly suggest a change to the status quo. The stranger at the bus stop might simply ignore us when we (accidentally?) step on their foot. The man at the other end might overlook our insults and focus on the main matter. The point is, peace costs something too. Sometimes, the price is obvious; other times it isn’t. Do ever take peace for granted. Someone is always paying the cost (maybe you!)

Final words

So there you have it folks. The best things in life aren't free. Of course, they can be taken for granted or even abused. But now that we know someone is paying the cost, we can learn to be more sensitive, to try to put ourselves in other people’s shoes and appreciate the best things in life.

This is my entry for the 'What Would You Say?' challenge by @tonyr

Thanks for reading

Blessings

[Image source: Wikipedia Commons]