what would you do if there was a junkie asleep in your van??

so I am in the middle of moving into a new(to me) apartment, I go downstairs to the van the other night, I am mucking around in the van for like 15 min in the passenger seat of our 98 Pontiac transport. I stand up to lock up the van and to my surprise some asshole is asleep in the back of the van. I had no idea. like if this was a horror movie that would have been curtains for me...so we have a weird fucker passed the fuck out in my girls mini van...90 percent of "people" would have called the cops right there. I went upstairs to think about the situation for a moment. an hour and a half later I remember the weird fucker in my girls van has not been dealt with as of yet. I don't know the intentions of this guy, so I grab a couple of household bludgeons and go downstairs. I opted to leave the woman asleep so as to avoid any estrogen induced scenes from developing. so while I was upstairs this guy had managed tio make it to the drivers seat. its midnight. and hes got his damn sunglasses on. so I knock on the glass, lead pipe in hand, and ask him wtf he is doing in my van. hes like "your van, april love shoved me in here..."then my mind thinks the absoulout case scenario...and that my friends is who is april love, my girls pornstar alter ego? heres the thing, this fool id obviously on way too much xanaxand or heroin...so I says to the guy open the door homeboy. he has a lot of trouble finding the lock on the door. plus he is not tripping on opening the door for me. so the next question I ask Is wat are you on, and do you have anymore? he produces a bag of Xanax bars which I relieved him of. he said he had heroin but he did some david blaine shit and it vanished. I told the dude to help me unload the van and he did. his name is Roger. the van was thrashed inside. thevmoral o the story is Xanax and heroin kill many people every year, and it makes people retarded. if you get high pleas lay off the Xanax, the situation could have been way worse if a square had been the owner of the vehicle Roger tried to pilfer. drugs should be done with some sort of forethought and caution to prevent full retard moments like this.