Man Up

I have been a long time out of what they laughably call the jobs market. I've yet to visit a market where they actually sell jobs. I imagine it will be like a farmers market, where everything is coated in the rosy aura of nostalgia, in order to bump up prices and make people people feel more self-satisfied about their purchases. I expect that some jobs will be whole-grain, or perhaps even 'ancient grains'. Sourdough from a mature 10-year-old starter will be the bread in the preferred sandwich. There will be a huge amount of gluten-free jobs, regardless of the fact that gluten is a necessary constituent of all jobs. Without glorious, sticky gluten, nobody would survive in a job for longer than a week.

Lunch will be kale, quinoa, and other unpronounceable modern health foods. And yet, none of us will be more healthy for it. Mostly because we are all prone to the same diseases, too much career-obligatory alcohol, too little exercise in the positive emotions, particularly hope, and an ever diminishing pension pot, if you even have one of those most rare, almost entirely extinct things.

Do I seem cynical? Then good. For I shall have my eyes wide open, and my chin unshaven as I welcome the salary, generous holidays and health benefits, with open arms.