Taking over the world in 7.3 easy steps

Taking over the world

By Alfy.

I am going to take over the world in 7.3 easy steps.

The first step will be to have sex with at least 300 women in one night. From my calculations this will mean that 100 of them will get pregnant on the same night. Apart from the fun and excitement of having sex that many times the main reason is that the babies all need to be the same age. They will all be called Alfy, no matter the sex. There will be no distinguishing numbers or names just 100 Alfies.

The second step will be after 9 months when all the Alfies are born. This will happen within a 7.3 day range so they will all be ready for the next part of the plan. When the Alfies are all born all the mothers will give me custody of the children. They will then pay me money to look after each child. With this money i will buy an active volcano that I will carve my face into. This will begin as the base of operations to take over the planet.

On the third step during the young life of all the Alfies I will train them to be a super army. The main training process will be that I have a large mug, each Alfy has a small mug 1/100th of the size of mine. Any time during the training I will shout `Alfy make me a cup of tea.´ All 100 Alfies will have to make me a cup of tea fast, each Alfy will have its only small 1/100th size kettle, teapot and cow to get milk. If by the end of the drink the cup is not full, I will beat them all to teach them a lesson and to make better soldiers. The remaining training will be in making up stories quickly and convincingly so to aid in persuading to world to join them in the taking over the world.

At the fourth step, when the army of Alfies are at the optimum fighting age. I will then send 50 East and 50 West around the world. They will all have flags of Alftopia, this will be my face with a rainbow in background and star coming from my winning smile. Each country will immediately bow down to the army once the flag is put into the new country's soil and they hear all the benefits of Alftopia. There will be very few casualties in this world war. Once the army of Alfies meet on the other side of the globe and I have control of the whole world. I will have enough resources money and science to cure all the world illnesses, have enough food and water for everyone. Drugs and alcohol will be free and available to everyone. Every 7.3 minutes 73 new recreational drugs will be created. Everyone will live in peaceful harmony.

With the fifth step, to save on admin fees and not to confuse the new subjects of Alftopia I will not change the countries names too much. USA will be United States of Alf, Australia will be Alftralia, Africa will be Alfrica, Brazil will be Alfzil, England will be Alfland. There will be a new language Alfish, New religion with all prays to me and ending in Ah-Alf. All money will be in the denominations of 73.

At the sixth step, with the complete use of Alftopia´s resources and scientific community I will create a castle that floats in the clouds. This is so I can keep an eye on all my loyal followers from Alftopia. This will circumnavigate the globe every 73 minutes. All of Alftopia must stop and praise me as I pass over their country.

The seventh step is where it could get dark, even though there will be happiness joy and very little unrest in this perfect utopia. There will be some people who may not agree with the way of the Alf. For this I will create a factory on the moon this will be where these people who have gone against the way of Alftopia will have to make cardboard boxes in really hot sweaty uncomfortable conditions. Then every 73 days I will go and burn all the boxes in front of all the prisoners to teach them a lesson.

This is the seven point third step, soon after completing creating Alftopia rapidly this will advance to the galaxy, then called Alfaxy. Then why stop there with the Alfaxy I will again rapidly advance on the the Universe, then called Alfverse.

LONG LIVE ALFTOPIA
LONG LIVE ALFTOPIA
.

Here are the 7.3 commandments of Alftopia:
1- Smile everyday
2- Laugh until you wee
3- Drugs and alcohol must be consumed daily
4- No wars, no borders or countries
5- No illness or disease
6- Food for all
7- Educations for all
7.3- A little bit of silliness all the time