Chapter 3

Hannah used to live in this crappy duplex in an old brick house up from the river. I remember the orange dim light above her dining area up on the second floor that was just visible from the sidewalk.

I would always pause on the sidewalk and look up at that orange light drifting out. From the street it almost looked drab and sad. But it was pure, to me. It was 100 proof romance, as cheesy as I'm sure that sounds.

"..it doesn't sound cheesy, I like it, I like when you say weird shit."

(I hate myself when I do)

We always gravitate to each other. I used to think I only liked those who hurt me. Getting hurt is easier. Plus you get to blame all that self-hate on someone else, it sorta lets you off the hook.

"Why are you so comfortable like this?"

"Like what?! What are you saying Hannah?"

"Just...it just feels like, I don't know, like you have all this potential pent up inside and, are you afraid of it or something?"

"I don't know, maybe. Why can we never fucking just sit and listen to the goddamn news without having to make some stupid big bullshit deal about some way in which I'm, clearly, disappointing you? Are YOU happy? I mean, jesus!"

Hannah turned and we sat quietly. I know, you hate me for this. I hate me for this. I felt awkward. Hell, we both did. But I had to stick to my guns on this one...I needed to be egotistical and asinine as much as she needed to understand my process.

The truth is, she was right. But now I had to go the long way around, to have enough distance between what she brought up and me acknowledging it openly or demonstrating any change. Like I said, ego.

We all do shit we aren't proud of. We make hints to some of this in our conversations, to see if someone else will recognize what we're intimating and take it to the next level of revelation so we don't have to. Ease our conscience.

The distance between who we are with strangers and who we are in our most shameful moments, is the measurement of our character.

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>> Next Chapter Will Post Tomorrow (well today technically) 8/3/2016!

Thanks for reading!

We Sold Funeral Flowers - Chapter 3

Chapter 3