IT'S OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP - NOTES TO SELF (THOUGHT SERIES #1)

It's a tough world out there, no doubt. Our personalities are indeed shaped by life choices and experiences. Self-reliance is an admirable trait that can be helpful to overcoming challenges, but like everything else, too much self-reliance can become draining and harmful.

With a bit of self-reflection, I can say that I'm a kind of person that prides himself on self-reliance. I get that huge smile on my face when I achieve something all by myself, but what happens when things don't work out, then I keep struggling with my issues and end in a deeper hole than before.

The case of extreme self-reliance can also be connected to one's environment. Some people grew up in an environment whereby all they have to do is ask for something and its handed out to them. but that might not be the case for others.

I can remember growing up in the streets of Nigeria, we have a popular term called "OYO" which means on your own.

I am also sure in various cultures we must have heard the term: "heaven help those who help themselves",
not to say those philosophies are bad, but they can also be self-inflicting when problems and issues become overbearing.

As a man, self-reliance can take another dimension. we are naturally raised to man up and face our challenges head-on and not complain.

The reasoning behind extreme self-reliance can often be misunderstood for pride or being proudful but that is far from the case.

To my understanding and based on my life experiences, I would conclude that the reason I sometimes find it difficult to ask for help is due to my extreme sense of responsibility, the satisfaction of achieving a goal alone, that feeling I get when I give the impression that I would never be bothersome and my willful stubbornness.

If there is anyone out there that struggles with asking for help, my heart truly goes out to you. You have people that wouldn't hesitate to ask for handouts and then there are others that struggles with asking for help. We are truly a mix of the whole bunch.

What helps me to balance my self-reliance is understanding of the simple rule of giving and receiving. Giving and receiving are not mutually exclusive, you can both give and receive at the same time. I can remember the times I was truly helpful to someone, there is a satisfaction and heartful bliss that comes with being helpful.

Think of it as giving the other person the opportunity to have a heartful bliss, you are both giving and receiving at the same time.

Also, knowing your own self-limitations can set you straight on when to stop and look around for people that truly care about you.

Thanks for reading friends. peace and love

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