“It’s not right for you to be like this all the time,” Anna’s counselor said to her. He had a bald, chubby face, his small bifocals hanging over his nose. He spoke in a slow, deliberate fashion that emphasized whatever emotion he was trying to convey. His office had his master’s degree in Child Psychology hanging prominently on the wall by his desk along with some honors, hung so no one entering could miss them. Everything in the room was pristine, almost to the point of being sterile. He leaned forward, trying to intimidate the ten-year-old girl in his midst into agreement. Her father was sitting next to her, monitoring the conversation between the two. He thought that her dad’s presence would persuade her more to his views. He didn’t know the type of person her father was. What he was trying to pull wasn’t lost on her father, who gave him a vicious stare-down.
“So tell me again what’s wrong. I’m still not following any of this,” her dad said.
“You daughter has a problem with being social. She interacts with very few people, she doesn’t take part in any of the school extracurricular activities. I’m afraid she’s not getting the full adjustment she needs. She seems to be overly sensitive to other people.”
Her dad rolled his eyes. The school Anna attended was small enough where they could have parents come in for such trivial matters, as opposed to weapons and vandalism, probably the only upside of dealing with people like the counselor.
“Listen,” her dad said. “I know you’re trying to earn your pay, and have shown yourself to be worthless. You can spout this to other parents, not me. She has few friends because there are few people in this world who aren’t superficial fakes. She doesn’t take part in your youth activities because they’re all shit. As for being overly sensitive, she gets hurt when people are bullshitting her, and she’s smart enough to know the difference between real friends and friends of convenience. She has three close friends, true friends, her family, and plenty of hobbies outside of your school.”
“She’s a recluse. There are some indicators that make me think she might be suffering from depression.”
“Dealing with assholes like you would depress me too,” her father replied.
Anna snickered as the counselor furrowed his eyebrow. She was used to profanity in the household. Her dad just made another enemy, and given his defiant gaze was more than happy with it.
“Don’t waste my time or my daughter’s time again,” he said as he led Anna outside the office.
“If you’re not happy here, we can send you somewhere else,” he said to Anna, putting his arm around her as they strolled along the empty hallway. .
“My dad rocks,” she thought and chuckled.
Anna's arm burned with fatigue from keeping the flashlight as far in front of her as she could. While it didn't make much difference from holding it closer, uncertainty of what may lie in waiting kept her arm steady ahead. She continued over the pedestrian bridge, looking down at the flowing river from time to time. Peering over the bridge, she swore seeing a massive tail whip out of the water more than once. Whenever she focused all her attention on the water, it didn’t reappear.
She knew the city, but had no clear indication idea of where to go. Her car had disappeared, there were no direct contacts, and the dreary blackness gave her the only company she could call out to. The landmarks were all there, but lost all their meaning in the strange realm she found herself. Void of all vestiges of life, the mood resembled an apocalypse happened that wiped out all remnants of humanity.
But that’s crazy. I’d be dead too.
She walked these parts countless times on Friday and Saturday nights with her girlfriends, but had to quell her shock at how different things felt when completely alone. It must be at least 3:00 AM now, and she assumed daylight would come in a few hours, but even that was uncertain. Constance was right; she wasn't getting any sleep tonight.
Anna journeyed further across the bridge to the residence halls on the other side, having a cousin who occupied one of the dorm rooms of the downtown campus. The dormitory front desk usually didn't let anyone in this late, but a few well-placed stones at her cousin’s window might be all she needed to get her attention and let her inside. Elizabeth was family, and therefore obligated to deal with her crap. Given the bizarre night, she doubted Liz would be that annoyed.
She passed by the museum and noticed the carousel room illuminated the attraction spinning with a cheerful jingle. Inside a circular structure, surrounded by glass on all sides, jutting out of the edge of the museum around the water’s edge, the room begged for attention. The lights were moving, bright and festive over the dank, gloomy waters. Carousels creeped her out, and in this situation were even creepier. The horses’ eyes even at this distance seemed to spy her, alive and aware. She turned her gaze away.
“Come on Anna!” A child exclaimed as she passed through the front entrance. “Come on!” A young girl called out, her rose-colored hair only inches from the ground. Anna didn't recognize her, but the crazy little girl waved again shouting, “Come on!”
Well, it’s a person, I should be happy.
“I'm sorry. I'm a little too old for those types of things.”
“You're the same age as me!”
Anna snickered, ”I think your math is off, and your parents shouldn't let you out this late!”
“Okay, so are you going to let me be out here by myself?”
Anna sighed.
“Great! I'm Joccie!” Joccie reached for Anna's hand and pulled her into the museum. It occurred to Anna that for her many years in Grand Rapids she never actually entered the building before. The ticket kiosk was empty, the screens displaying ticket prices and information blank. They passed right by to the main room. The quaint entrance veered into a golden two story room, the roof reaching fifty feet high, a balcony to the right. She placed the flashlight by the vacant desk and ventured in. On the ceiling there were fantastical images scenes gyrating in and out. She caught a glance of a grotesque image of a dragon stalking towards a man screaming, his leg shattered, crawling away in desperation. The image shifted to a stocky, muscular woman with a knowing grin, holding out a short sword against an unknown opponent.
That can’t be the normal décor... Wait, is that… no, some resemblance though.
“Come on! Let's play in the carousel!” Joccie exclaimed, pulling Anna ahead while she gazed up in wonder at the ceiling.
She felt vertigo, her legs almost buckling underneath as she moved ahead. The room grew larger. The pictures took on terrifying proportions and her race across the room grew slower, her stride becoming more stilted until her gazed forced itself away from the ceiling and stared at Joccie, her eyes directly level with her own. The benches to her right stood chest high. She’d shrunk to her companion’s height.
“What is going on?!?!” Anna bellowed, collapsing down on the ground and weeping. “I want out of this!”
She looked down at her body. She was still herself, just smaller.
As if I wasn’t already little enough.
Joccie stared, flabbergasted. “What's wrong?” She looked back in the direction of the carousel, about to run off before hesitating and exclaiming, “Want me to get someone?”
Anna wiped her eyes, inhaled, and repeated over and over, “Just stay calm.”
The terrifying aspect wasn't how unreal everything was, but how real. She clenched her shaking hands and touched her cheek. Some part in the hidden recesses of her mind recognized the sensation. Her mind recognized the viewpoint from long ago.
This was exactly how I would cry too. I remember that too. I would sometimes get scared when at my wits end and for no reason sit on the ground and pout. I’m grown up now, right?
Joccie came hurrying back with an older lady in her forties with a long thin face to complement her figure. She looked at Anna with a tinge of annoyance before starting to talk in a classic high pitch voice. “Did somebody get scared?”
Anna could see right through the older woman, like she was a holograph. Now that she studied Joccie closer, she found the same effect with her.
Are they real, projections, of what? No, they can’t be real… but what are they that they act like real people? In any case, I'm not taking this from them.
“Don't talk to me like that!” Anna shouted, and then got up. “I don’t need your condescending crap!” The woman started at her, confused. It was rare when a six-year-old knew a word like condescending
“If I was your parent I would spank you!” She exclaimed.
“Quit treating me like a child!” Anna retorted.
“She's mean,” Joccie whispered to the lady.
Anna heard the faint musings of a handful of children playing, the festive music of the merry-go-round reverberating everywhere. A faint pulse of excitement coursed through her veins as she forgot her current malaise. The malaise turned to curiosity, then to anticipation, then to excitement. The music flowed, wiping out her inhibitions as she ran gleefully towards the music. She felt a glimmer of being childlike again. The fear of carousels vanished in an instant.
She pushed stubbornly on the glass doors every ounce of her strength until it budged. She saw a large lineup of kids. In front of them, the colorful horses swirling in a circle gave Anna the satisfaction of seeing her destination.
Wait a minute. Why do I enjoy the merry-go-round now?
“Hi there!” A huge pot-bellied man greeted Anna as she ran past the line. “Wait your turn okay?” He chuckled as he led the children. Surrounding the carousel were parents watching their children, gossiping and taking pictures of the action. Anna instinctively tried to find her own parents in the crowd to no avail.
Where are they? Why am I looking for them? Gads, what’s wrong with me?
Anna turned back to the lineup, fidgeting back and forth as another stream of children got their turn. The carousel started rotating and the music fired up again, the giggling riders screaming louder as the dizzying speed increased. Minutes later the ride came to a halt; the kids laughed excitedly bounding off it before their respective parents claiming them. When another troop of tots went forward, Anna smiled, knowing she was going to be in the group after this.
“I'm so excited!” Joccie exclaimed behind her, Anna not even noticing her presence.
The carousel cycled again and the man called out, “Okay, last one!” The children waited their turn to get on the horses. Anna climbed onto a yellow horse, its eyes wider than the rest, giving a shocked expression, creeping her out. She remembered why they freaked her out again. It was too late to pick another mare, as the carousel was full and the rest of the children were gone.
The carousel made its final spins for the night and Anna relaxed and laughed as she spun. The windows showed as dark a night as ever, making the room feel like it existed in its own world in empty space. Joccie looked back and waved to Anna and she returned the gesture, smiling.
A brown haired, awkward boy waved at Anna also. She waved back. The carousel started spinning faster, and Anna instinctively grasped as the handlebars. The carousel soon reached its maximum speed. She got used to the velocity and loosened her grip, sighing in relief. As it relentlessly spun the lights dimmed, and the boy to her right faded away.
Where did he-
Joccie looked back at Anna again and waved, and then she also vanished, along with all the other children on the carousel, leaving her alone spinning.
“Hello?” Anna called out to someone. The parents of the others were gone, the grinning operator disappearing also. “Hello?!?” She shouted again. The lights faded some more, leaving only a brief twilight over the room. The horse’s wide-eyed appearance gave way to an even creepier blank stare. She jumped off it and fled.
She screamed, then pouted again to the floor and started crying again. “Somebody help me!”
“I hate this,” She exclaimed again, only this time with a different voice. She looked over herself and found herself her original height again. “I hate this.” She said to herself again, staring blankly at the room.
I hate being alone. What is wrong with me?
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