A short moment in the story

in writing •  6 years ago 

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She could hear a faint sound behind her, like very soft, gentle steps on the solid marble floor. She turned around swiftly and her long, golden hair floated around in her rapid turn. The sky blue dress moved gently, following her movement. Even though it was only a short moment, she could feel her heart beating more rapidly and the body tensing up. She was supposed to be alone in the hallway and the steps behind her frightened her.

The grand hallway was luxorious. The floor and walls were made from marble, the faint lights on the walls created an eerie atmosphere, as the warm white light dimly lit the hall. The light was reflected by the gold decorations on the wall but was absorbed by the garnet drapes. The drapes had golden embroidery on it, unique in every drape. The one closest to her was presenting tree branches and small birds on them: willow tits, goldcrests, european finches.. all of them extremely realistically made.

As she turned, she saw someone behind her. She couldn't see who it was. They weared a ash colored jacket with a hood covering the face. Dark, medium length hair was visible under the hood, but nothing else. The body wasn't very large, as the person was somewhat sleek. A bit short for a man, average heigth for a woman. The jacket had large pockets which seemed to be full, to the extent of the jacket being uncomfortable.

They wore dimgray jeans on which a far too long black belt was hanging. The belt was very deep dark black leather, similar to the boots. Even though the person was sleek, the thighs were muscular.

Then she saw it.

They had a knife. A long, narrow knife which looked like an ornamental knife instead of a more practical knife. The handle was covered with black strips of leather, decorated with silver. The blade seemed like silver too, the blade was curving a bit to the tip and had some symbols engraved on it. It was too dark to see what the symbols were, but they weren't critical at this point.

Before she was able to move or shout, she had already been stabbed. Once, twice and thrice. Twice in the stomach, once in the heart.

She looked down and saw her dress turning red. The sky blue color was covered by all the blood pouring out from her stomach and chest. She didn't see where then person ran, but as she collapsed on the floor she didn't see anyone anymore. The hallway was empty, and she was lying on the floor in a growing pool of blood. The white marble floor was no longer white, as she was all alone, dying in the darkness.

The seconds seemed like an eternity as all she could do is to gaze in the lights. Then finally she couldn't keep her eyes open any longer and she fell to the darkness. For all eternity.

Now the short version with less describing

A woman was in the hallway but someone stabbed her to death.

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Nice try bread loaf!

I think it was a very successful one, not just a nice try :/

Cuz you left us in suspense. Why???

I can't come up with a proper, complete story. Instead I come up with gimmicks which are the reason I write to begin with.

She died, no suspense left.

Still a million questions answered. Who was she, who were they, why they killed her, what will happen next, will they come again, are you the next?
Mystery continues

She's Mathilda.
The killer was called Bob, her online stalker.
Bob killed her because he's not really good with women.
Next, police will investigate the murder.
The came on a napkin.
No I'm @apsu.

You're welcome.

Take my freaking vote for this baked try :D

Why not your normal vote?
LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME here dear take a cookie I'M NOW ON THE WAY TO MADNESS are you sure you won't be cold with THAT JACKSDAF?!"#¤

Lol! Ain't you the dramatic Finn? I missed you Bread ♡

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You made a typo, as it's written e-r-o-t-i-c. Not "dramatic".

I see you got there... The madness you were walking into :D

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Thanks for the tl;dr! More people should do that. In fact, I'll only write my stories like this from now on and stop wasting everyone's time!

Mars: Girl goes to outer space and commits genocide

The Dystopia saga: people built AI, fucked up, and now everyone is either dead or enslaved.

Luna 3: Octopuses take over humanity through surgery.

Why did I spend so much time writing this! :P

You're welcome! I should really practice writing things more describingly, as it gives stories so much more depth. Also it makes me look more professional when spending more time without having to come up with an actual story to tell.

If you have any great story ideas you don't have time to write, you can use @suesa-random to post a few stories like that ;)

Tim finds a sword which is magic and uses it to kill evil wizard.

Evil wizard comes back to life, Tim kills him again.

Tim is the evil wizard now.

Evil wizard comes back to life, kills Tim.
Evil wizard is Tim now.

Ooh, what a plot twist. I like this.

Tim is looking for a bread loaf now.

Don't you try to spoil it before I am finished!

Everybody dies

Starting with you!

hello @ apsu, this post inspired me to write more on my post, and I did. Thanks for this great example!

Scary moments!

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