Rebuilding my Life from the Ashes

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@futurethinker suggested that I write a follow-up post to my recent post, “what do I fear and how do I deal with it”. As I mentioned in that article, I had only thirty bucks in my pocket and a bus ticket. I had no job and no relatives outside of New York that I could lean on for support if things went wrong.

Even though I had experienced a powerful spiritual awakening, I was still a mess. I needed a safe place to heal and allow my physical body and consciousness to fully adapt and integrate the changes I was experiencing.

Finally reaching my destination and waiting for someone to pick me up. I heard the wings of Archangel Michael flapping in my ears and blue orbs appear before my eyes. I felt his energy touch my hands as he gently whispered, “Blanca you are safe, my legions surround you and I am will also protect you, rest now”.

Matt arrives in a red Honda Accord. He steps out and as our eyes meet, I feel them warm and his smile inviting, “hi Blanca you made it”. I was nervous and trying not to cry, I smiled and nodded. Placing my bag in the trunk of his car, he drives me to his home.

I was too nervous to eat but the strangest feeling washed over me. I couldn’t explain it, other than a knowing deep in my bones that I was safe. After two days without sleep, I knocked out on his couch. I woke up the next day, and Matt thought it would do me good to meet his good friend Barbara. She was a Lakota Grandmother living in Pennsylvania and needed help around her land. Matt believed it would be healing for me to spend time with her.

We finally arrived at her home deep in the mountains. Her land was beautiful, but she lived alone. Matt advised me that it was custom to offer a Lakota Grandmother tobacco. He said, “when you offer the tobacco be honest, tell her your situation and she’ll decide if you can stay”. I remember grabbing tobacco and placing it in a bag and offering it to her. I introduced myself and was honest about my situation, she looked at me hugged me tight as if I was an old friend and whispered, “welcome to my home, I will show you around later”.

People I had called lovers and friends were the ones to wound me the deepest and when I was in need they turned me away. Yet before me was two generous strangers willing to invite me into their home and help me to rebuild my life from the ashes.

As the months passed the real challenge was before me. I had to find the will to forgive myself for letting go of my life in New York. But Barbara Morning Star was with me every step of the way. She taught me how to work with the land, and eat healthy. Barbara often said, “food is medicine”. I was a bit of a skeptic at first, but I followed her instruction and slowly but surely my body began to detox and heal.

Prior to coming to her, I suffered from terrible migraines, my nerves were a wreck, sleeping was a challenge for me. Most days I felt as if I was a robot running on automatic. Mania would bring about powerful visions and I could stay up for several days straight. Barbara was patient with me, she knew that I was serious about radically changing my life.

Eventually, the chemicals in my body started to balance themselves out. While with her, I knew that I had to continue facing my shadow self and all the wounds and negative beliefs too. Our shadow self is a messenger that holds space for our deep wounds. So, when she comes knocking it is best to invite her in to stay for as long as she desires. I didn’t want to project my wounds and past onto new partners, friendships and situations. I desired to form deep connections with people that desired intimacy, transparency, expansion and to create.

Barbara Morning Star hosted shamanic lodges on her land, and that is when I met my partner @leap8 for the first time. We had an instant recognition of each other and clicked right away. Months later in September, he is asking me to take a chance and leave for Florida with him.

I thanked Barbara deeply for all her help and left for Florida in September. Shortly after I was able to land a job, this was a huge accomplishment for me. Losing my career in New York, was a big blow to my ego and for many years I was unable to land a job until this moment.

My partner was hired too and slowly I was able to rebuild my life from the ashes of the old. Through this process, I came to understand that challenges were there to teach me. I am (we are) here to be the solution to the hearts of many in the world. I was born with a naturally authentic way of perceiving the world and getting in touch with that authenticity was the next challenge.

Years of intense internal inquiry and observation through meditation have led me to see how as a child, I adopted and practiced the patterns of behavior and beliefs from my parents.

Our minds are sponges that absorb into our electromagnetic fields a series of moments that dance as a kaleidoscope of waves of sound and color. Frequencies then crystallize as patterns within the neural network of our minds. These patterns form into those hardened aspects of our personality that many of us learn early on, to sweep under the rug. We bloom, mature to only perceive and understand reality through the scope of our conditioned filters. Then we feel powerless to change our circumstances and this is simply not true. Our past doesn’t define who we are unless we allow it.

As a child I may have had to accept the authority and conditioning of my parents, but as cosmic jokes go, that too was my choice. One of my spirit guides, jokingly said, “stop being a belief thief”. I found this statement interesting as the process of getting in touch with our authentic self and remembering our true nature requires us to unwind.

I willingly faced and still do, those beliefs that constantly shape and create my reality. Now, this doesn’t mean that we act as thought police. Or attempt to stop every “negative” thought. Good luck with that!

What this means for me, is that when I am feeling tired, sad or angry, it is time to stop whatever I am doing. I know in that moment it is my inner self-communicating with me. It is saying, “Blanca you need to slow down and rest”. On days such as this, I do all that I can to soothe and care for my inner self. I will go within myself and ask my heart, “what do you desire to do in this moment or what do you need?”

I wait patiently, and then I hear her whisper, “I want to paint, I want love, or I want to watch a funny movie, etc.” I treat my inner self with care and love and offer that part of myself whatever it needs.

One of my favorite self-care practices is the ho'oponopono, it is an ancient Hawaiian technique. You place your hands over your heart, close your eyes, focus on the breath, while saying “I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me and thank you”.

Rebuilding my life is an ongoing process. I have learned to surrender to the journey and the process of self-discovery. I live each day with intention and I am not afraid to be specific with the Universe about the things I want, but I have learned to leave room to be surprised.

For example, this month my partner and I were able to pay our rent just by submitting articles on Steemit. I cried with so much joy, at the immense support we have been getting from members on this platform and the community of @promomentors.

I mean think about it?! I was able to pay my rent and have some money to pay off credit cards this month by doing what I love – writing!

Rewind back to 2014 and to my surprise, my ex-partner reached out through Facebook and wanted a divorce. I admit I was a bit afraid, but then I remembered that the Universe promised that all would be well. I surrendered all fear and trusted that the divorce proceedings would go smoothly, and they did. I didn’t even have to return to New York and I came to discover that he eventually moved on and was starting a family again. I was relieved and wished him the best.

After the divorce finalized, I decided to open my own e-commerce store in 2015 and called it House of Aton, it is a metaphysical shop and for several years I offered tarot readings and reiki energy healing sessions to clients.

As I continued the process of letting go and stepping into my power as a creator, (and yes, I stumbled on my face a few times). I noticed that Universe was indeed responding to my positive energy, intentions, and actions.

Life started to taste sweeter, my deep seething rage melted away and dissolved into peace and compassion not only for myself but for others. I came to realize and experience that there truly is only one being, quantum and multi-dimensional. I am you and you are me and we are divine, therefore always be kind to yourself, the almighty source of love is listening.

Observing this practice of self-inquiry, self-love, and care, became my way of life. My medicine to strip away all that I was not.

Serendipity led my daughters to reach out to me after years of silence. We have been rebuilding our relationship one day at a time.

I never believed that I could feel as happy as I do now, and I’m thrilled that I have found my best friend, my soulmate, @leap8 is someone I have come to deeply admire and respect. I am a better person with him by my side. He has been an inspiration for me to continue evolving and building. He believed in me when I still had trouble believing in myself.

Today, I am healthy, happy, and powerfully creative.

Original story authored by @blanca237

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