Deflated

original poetry &
philosophical writing

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Reading notes:

. The piece is an example of sustaining a metaphor at length (likening oneself to a burst balloon.) This is not the focus but provides continuity through what is rather experimental in form and content. I enjoy writing poetry in free-formatting, which provides another element of expression and discourages wordiness. I generally only use it when writing by hand. I then imitate the formatting the best I can using the   tag. As per a recent request, I will leave the images of the original written copy below. I will also display the poem in two ways, with images inserted, and plain.

Ideas/feelings explored

. Again we are faced with an interesting paradox and playing with archetypes. Typically, deflation means discouragement, disappointment, depression, etc. and has a rather negative connotation. However, it can also signal freedom from an overinflated ego! The feeling of being busted, slimmed down, less dense, insignificant (in the most neutral and profound sense) is something of a rite of passage. It has to do with the transition from the inherent self-centeredness (even narcicissm!) of youth into the "content insignificance" of maturity.
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It also expresses moments of feeling untethered to flesh, being a vague and subtle "somethingness." It explores the idea of losing something which was actually nothing and becoming so thin that one begins to feel one is slipping into another dimension. It questions the line between flesh and inert material and expresses the feeling of having everything living stripped away in a sort of numb bliss and continuing to rise regardless. This is of course humorous, if one is a busted balloon. How could one then rise?
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It asks whether events in the past, and the person one was before, were actually real at all. In a double entendre, it also asks if one was ever really taught anything at all, because in some ways knowledge seems to be unbegotten. Exploring the paradox of being burst and laying lifeless, but somehow having the feeling of flying. Being fully exposed but still unable to be interpreted except through the experience of simply being without concept. Finally we close by declaring the self shrunk, but not in defeat but rather triumph! We have minimized the illusion. The mediocrity has become profound. The foibles have become purified by our acceptance of them.

Stanza-by-stanza notes:

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Stanza one (Unfurled mammal...)
Balanced precariously between the concrete and the subtle. Fantasy balloons being popped by reality. Becoming disillusioned while still young. Yearning to become a sanctuary for life in its exquisite delicacy.
Stanza two (a lonely sufficiency...)
Radical vulnerability. Paradox of loss of something that was actually nothing. The feeling of melting through this dimension.

Stanza three (Expired but still rising...)
Accepting the inevitable death of the physical while asserting the expansion of the nonphysical (rising while rotting.) Stoicism through the shock of finding oneself to be quite plain and seeing beauty therein. Playing off the breakdown of the word sub-stance, the feeling of sinking (while rising?) Feeling reduced to the brutal mechanism of genetics.

Stanza four (Was I ever taut?)
The past self and memories feel very distant. What was one before and from whence came all these concepts? Laying here with thought totally obliterated, being unthinkable. The feeling of flying while stationary, being a total open book yet still unscrutable. Being stretchy like latex yet ripped, shrunken, inert. An uncomfortable feeling, unresolved: there is more, unknown, that is yet to come.

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Deflated

                                                                     Unfurled mammal
                                                                  like a granite
                                                                              bloom at dawn
I am burst latex.
depressurized,                                         
an empty egg sac                                            
          a gourd                              (still on the stalk)
become hollow                                 
a vase filled up with rain    
(made from vines)          
                 where crickets bathe.
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a lonely sufficiency                                                      
                                                            airless
a burst balloon                    
                                                                          timid child of
                                                                  mountain dreams
my emptiness burst,                                                      
and I became sparse                                          
                                                   (unviscous, vague
                                                   romantic)
like thin paint                                        
melting through                       
the pores of                 
   this dimension.
Expired but still rising
past putrefaction                                                         
devoured by microbes                                   
                                                     stoic detritus,
                                                 grand with decadence,
                                               shy imperfection of hope
I am busted.
      
substance that sinks                       

                                                                 lower

                          lower

          into low resolution

(pixellated punnet square.)                                    
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Was I ever taut?
                                       laying here
unknowing                                                                   
                                                                       unknowable
in unstretched                                                    
space                                                              
                            flying here
transparent                                                                    
                                         exposed
unreadable                                                       
       flexible
ripped                                                  
illegible      
shrunk.                                  

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Deflated

(with images)

                                                                     Unfurled mammal
                                                                  like a granite
                                                                              bloom at dawn
I am burst latex.
depressurized,                                         
an empty egg sac                                            
          a gourd                              (still on the stalk)
become hollow                                 
a vase filled up with rain    
(made from vines)          
                 where crickets bathe.

a lonely sufficiency                                                      
                                                            airless
a burst balloon                    
                                                                          timid child of
                                                                  mountain dreams
my emptiness burst,                                                      
and I became sparse                                          
                                                   (unviscous, vague
                                                   romantic)
like thin paint                                        
melting through                       
the pores of                 
   this dimension.

Expired but still rising
past putrefaction                                                         
devoured by microbes                                   
                                                     stoic detritus,
                                                 grand with decadence,
                                               shy imperfection of hope
I am busted.
      
substance that sinks                       

                                                                 lower

                          lower

          into low resolution

(pixellated punnet square.)                                    

Was I ever taut?
                                       laying here
unknowing                                                                   
                                                                       unknowable
in unstretched                                                    
space                                                              
                            flying here
transparent                                                                    
                                         exposed
unreadable                                                       
       flexible
ripped                                                  
illegible      
shrunk.                                  

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Written by @d-pend
12/26/17
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Image credits

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1 – "467 to absolution" by xn3ctz
2 & 3 – "Deflation photographed" by d-pend
4 & 5 – "Almost" by CatharsisJB
6 – "Full Bloom Detail" by Dave Richardson
7 – "Hot Air Balloons" by Frostwindz
8 – "Deflated" by Miss-Tbones
9 – "Deflated" by Joshua Goymer
10 – "Balloon" by Sampok

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