✍️ WRITER TALK - Issue #1 - "The 1/2 Draft" - Better Late Than Never

WHAT UP PEEPS!!

“Nothing shy of trying poutine for the first time can compare to seeing a vision realized.” -
ME.
What does that statement and a photo of my dog McFly have to do with this post. Not a whole lot - Well maybe a bit. To be honest - McFly wanted none of me working today - Hence why this was posted so late. So If you're mad - Blame this cute lil'fucker. Go on asshole, do it!

You've waited long enough -
I give you......

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WRITER TALK #1 - "The 1/2 Draft"

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Note: This issue has nothing to do with story structure or how to write a story. You should know all about that shit by now!

That first bit of freedom after emerging your den of writing induced self loathing -
Enjoy every breath junior because it's not going to last

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So. Look at you. Mr./Mrs. Writie-McWriter. You've finished your first draft. Slaved over it for months. Maybe years. Many sleepless nights and neglected relationships later, it's all done. Totally worth the divorce and 40 pounds you've gained. Am I right? Maybe you've gone ahead and given a few copies out to your friends and family - And what do you know... They all say it's amazing.

Well everyone - Other than your cousin Jeff. He's just jealous. Screw Jeff.

If you don't have a figurative cousin Jeff. I'll be him for you. I'm going to tell you everything you don't want to hear. I'm going to be brutally honest. For starters. NEVER SEND YOUR FIRST DRAFT TO ANYONE. EVER. NEVER. NO. DON'T. DO NOT PASS GO. STAY RIGHT THE FUCK WHERE YOU ARE.

Shits about to get real. Let ol'Jeffy boy (Emwalker) drop some knowledge on ya. What you think of as your first draft - Is really your 1/2 draft. You're half way to completing something thats halfway half decent. Savvy? - IF you've already got something written - I guess you can just scroll down to the To Do's section and go from there.

"But... M-M-Muh story just needs - Minor tweaks"

"You never get a second chance to make a first impression." - We've all heard that before - And it's never more true than when it comes to someone reading your material. If you have people that are willing to read your shit. Don't you dare fuck it and future opportunities up by giving them trash. As some one who has read hundreds of screenplays and manuscripts - let me tell you - Nothing is more daunting than someone asking if I can "Take a look at their material".

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Your reaction to what I tell you to do at the end of this post

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I'm going to give you some advice. Invest in your future and do your best to absorb what I tell you. This comes from many wasted days of going over the same page finessing it into "Perfection" only to have it and the surrounding 10 pages scrapped without a second thought by an editor.

"There is nothing to writing.
All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed."
Ernest Hemingway

Write your first draft using nothing but PEN and paper. Leave the white-out alone. Don't look back. EVER. NEVER EDIT A SINGLE THING! Yes I'm giving you a fucking pass to write badly.

"This guys nuts! " - You Right now

If you have to stop and don't Remember the exact place you left off.... Then just pick up where you do. The point of this is to not loose your forward momentum. Don't give yourself the ability to correct mistakes. There is nothing you can do. It's (Most likely) going to suck. Once you've finished the story here's what you do -

NOTE: The following process takes time. If your a real writer you should have no problem with waiting because you've long mastered the Art of procrastination.

To Do's

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• Literally put it in a bag.
• Put that bag in your closet. Basement. Bottom drawer. Out of sight. Gone. Buh-bye!
• Grab a beer. Have a glass of wine.
• Binge watch Breaking Bad (Anything of narrative substance).
• Read 2 comparable titles - Books OR screenplays. Stuff that you would use to describe your project. It's this meets this - The Matrix Meets Look Who's Talking.
• Resist every urge to look at your dumpster fire of story.
• Wait a minimum of 2 weeks - & While waiting - Start another story.
• Pull the 1/2 draft out of its hiding spot.
• Go out to the closest field or parking lot.
• Put said masterpiece on the ground (metal bucket is recommended).
• Dump half a cup of lighter fluid on it.
• Now drop a match on that fucker - It's Horrible-Gawd-awful-shit

Yes I'm telling you that Mommy lied. Your wife or husband was just being nice. It really is as bad as you originally thought.

Let it burn. Kill it with fire.

• Once the fires out dump another half cup on the ashes and light it up again. Make sure its dead and it's not gonna come back.
• Go back home. Sit down at your desk and pull out another stack of paper.

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You now have the ultimate task ahead of you.

This is where we're going to separate those who are drunk with the idea of becoming writers with those who have that little extra spark in their chests. You're going to rewrite the whole thing. "But.... But... But what if I forget stuff? There was this really great part where" - SHUT UP!

If you forgot it then it wasn't worth remembering any way. This time around you will be far less likely to fill up the page with nonsense. You'll be less likely to try and go back and edit while you write. What you just burned was the above mentioned 1/2 draft. It was nothing. What you write this time around. That's your first draft. It's still shit and you should never show it to any one. But at least you're one step closer to writing something someone other than your mother might give you a gold star for.

I'm out of shit to say under these - Are you even reading them

To wrap things up - I opened this post with a line about poutine & seeing visions realized - The poutine is irrelevant - The mention of visions is where I'll leave you. Sometimes when we do something and we're proud we cant wait to share it with the world. This is amplified with something like writing - Something that's normally done in solitude.

That first time you type - "The End" on the last page of a story It's something you want to share - But like another first time - It usually sucks, is super awkward and when you look back on it you're probably going to be embarrassed. So why share it with more people than you have too?

Give the 1/2 draft a try. Thank me later.

"Perfection is manufactured. A constructed illusion. Whipped up by magicians. A magician never shows you all the little pieces that make up a successful Magic trick. A successful magician doesn't mess up on stage. All you see is perfection."

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Disclaimer - Lighting shit on fire is seriously fucking stupid & dangerous - I accept no responsibility for any damage cause because you might be a freaking moron. - READ - Don't actually set anything on fire PLEASE - What you really should do is burry that fucker for 10 years - So in the event that you ever become successful you can dig it up and shit yourself laughing at all the garbage you wrote thinking it and you were amazing.

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THATS ALL FOR NOW!!
SEE YOU LATER!
E.

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