I Have an Idea

I have an idea for a book. I have a story I want to write. A book, a proper good fictional book, that I want to write. There. That is, I think, the first time I have ever told that to anyone.

I have an idea for a twisted, weird, cruel, disgusting, compelling, heartwarming, sad and crazy fictional story. I don’t remember when I got the idea, and where it came from, but it has been in my mind for years already. I have literally googled if a book like that has already been written, because the idea is so great in my opinion, that I am really doubting it came from my mind, but apparently it did.

Here is the thing, I don’t like writing, I have never liked writing, I am not a good writer, writing doesn’t come naturally to me and I have never ever wanted to write a book, not even a short story. Never. Not until I got this idea for this story. Never before have I had any need or want to write a book, even though I love reading, but I have this story, this idea, and I want to tell it, maybe, some day. I feel great ownership over the story I have developed and I can’t give the idea for anyone else to write or make into a screenplay, because then it wouldn’t be my story anymore. If I ever want anyone to read my story, I would have to actually write it myself. And I haven’t the slightest idea on how to write a book!

I have no writing experience, and because this is the only story idea I have ever had, and probably ever will, I don’t want it to be wasted on shitty writing. I know I would want to write it English, which does come more naturally to me in written form than Finnish, my mother tongue, but that is a challenge of its own. I am proud and dream big, so if I were to write a book, and just one book during my whole life, it would need to be so good that it gets published by a big publishing house and be promoted world wide. And obviously it would be a bestseller because my idea is great and if I were to write it, it would be reworked until it’s perfect.

I have the general idea for the story outlined in my head, a few twists and turns, maybe a vague idea for the ending, but I am not sure of it yet. I haven’t actively developed it or tried to push the story forward, I have just gotten ideas naturally and made a mental note to add it to the story. I have never written a word for it, about it, to anyone, to anywhere. No paper, no notes, no outline, nothing that anyone could find.

The reason why I haven’t even jotted down the main idea or any key words is because I’m scared that someone will steal my idea. I am even scared to publish this post because then someone will know that there is an idea inside my head and they might do something to try and pry it out of me. I know, doesn’t make any sense, but that is how I feel. I am even scared that someone else will think of the same idea one day, write it, and have it be a bestseller. I would be so bummed!

If I ever end up writing the book, you’ll probably be the first ones to know. After I get a million dollar book deal signed or something like that. Until them, this subject will not be talked about.