“I don’t want this to go to your head, but [insert compliment]”
This is how you get complimented by your relatives in Finland.
We had a long conversation with @escapist today, and scraped this topic briefly. It’s highly imbedded in the Finnish culture that you have to be humble and downplay your own achievements no matter what you do. You can be the fastest rally driver, the strongest man or win the Nobel peace price, but for heavens sake, do not be proud of yourself or you’ll be labeled as a narcissistic asshole.
Being proud of yourself is right at the top of sin list in Finland
Of course I hate the kind of proudness that is for example seen a lot in the hip hop culture, wearing (fake) diamonds and gold chains and yelling out that you are the best and baddest in town. But I also hate it if you gravel in front of people to make it seem like you have done nothing when you have actually achieved something great in your life. It might not be the cure for cancer, but maybe you lost 30 kilos and are in the best shape of your life, or your newest painting is the best you have made so far, be proud of yourself!
The middle ground people! Not too humble, not too vain!
I know where my strengths lie, and what I am good at, and I’m not going to be fake humble when I know I have created something I really like. I fucking know that I work hard, and I constantly evaluate my old works, trying to get better at my craft, and I know when I struck gold. It might not go to trending, but that doesn’t mean I should be any less proud of myself.
Not everyone will agree with you, and you should never try to please everyone, but be true to yourself and proud of your works. Don’t let anyone put you down if you have worked hard to make something happen for yourself, and don’t downgrade the achievement by “blaming” luck or some other outside force when you worked really hard for your goal. Even though self evaluation and criticism are essential for your personal growth, you have to remember to congratulate yourself when you hit another milestone on your way to your goal.
It makes me really uncomfortable if I compliment someone and they say something like:”Oh it was nothing, I just got lucky/I think it’s average/my neighbours cat is better”, when they just painted something equal to Mona Lisa. You little fucker, you do not deserve my compliment, I take it back!
I know some amazingly talented people in different fields, and sometimes they need to be smacked over the head to make them realise how good they actually are. Downgrading yourself will not make others any better or lift them to your level, your success is not taking away from anyone else. Don’t hide your shine.
You know what, I COMPLETELY hear you! So much so that i'll be resteeming this post. We definitely have this same issue in the UK too! I never feel proud of myself because worry it seems like arrogance. In fact I really can't take compliments at all. I find it so awkward and never know where to look or what to say.. even though i'm a confident woman. I think I need to stop playing shit down or downgrading myself.
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Awww thank you so much, I really appreciate the resteem! 🤗 I have definitely been like that before, trying to downplay myself and feeling awkward when complimented, when of course everyone really wants to be complimented. Why is it so hard to just say "thank you!"
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I'm totally with you. Slowly learning to get over the awkwardness. I think as women there is so much pressure on us to not be too self-assured or 'cocky', so much so that we go completely the other way and end up undervaluing ourselves. You've raised a very important issue.
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Taking pride in yourself is in line with self love. Sometimes I feel self conscious about acting this way. I try to remember that when I am loving myself fearlessly I am giving others permission to do the same!
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This is what came to my mind, and it's true!
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It's important to 'celebrate' a bit once you've reached a goal to boost your confidence and morale, but dwelling on the accomplishment leaves you complacent with less motivation to improve. In management, it's known that never congratulating your team on victories leads to low morale and a feeling of hopelessness (things are never good enough and they never will be).
So as you mentioned, it's a balance to appreciate both sides in a healthy manner. There is also an extreme of developing a personality that is never satisfied and can reach very high levels of accomplishment though never feel happy. From the outside they seem very successful, but internally they are miserable.
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I agree, you need to appreciate yourself and celebrate your achievements, but then when you have done that, you need to start taking steps to your next goal! It's all about finding the balance.
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Nothing wrong with being proud of yourself, whether physically or because of your accomplishments! Btw I love that first pic of you, you look great with your hair that way 🎀☺️🎀
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It's probably a little different in other cultures, but in Finland being proud is considered to be something that needs to be avoided with all cost :D Thank you!
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In my culture too but I think it’s healthy to be proud! As long as you’re not snobby about it though lol💜
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Lol finish people still seem pretty polite! South Africans don’t do compliments! We are so used to belittling one another it’s actually become a term of endearment! If someone actually gives you a compliment it feels weird and fake!
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Are we? Not me 😝😝 We definitely don't give out compliments easily, and when we do, it's with that disclaimer 😅
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Well form the few interactions we've had you've been pretty polite and sweet, ooops did i say that? it slipped out! Guess your secrets out now! I think I'd get along famously with the fins! Is it correct to call them fins? Also can you say the disclaimer in your native language I want to know how it sounds lol, its it aggressive or more of a suggestive delivery
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We already talked about perfectionism. But I think that this is good opportunity to look at things from a bit of different point of view. I am proud of myself for going outside of my comfort zone. Posting less than ideal photo of myself. Going to the nightclub. Trying new things...
I am proud once I finish a piece. But once I start a new one I want to make it better than a previous one.
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I think that is a perfect way to approach things, be proud of previous work, but always try to up your game too.
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"Humble"? Is that spanish?
Proud, but never satisfied.
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Proud and hungry.
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I agree with u 100%. I always get annoyed when people talk about being humble or modest...To humble or modest = being fake = lying
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Sounds to me like the old ghosts of the "Jante Law" might be alive and well in Finland, as well... in Denmark, I was very much raised with the whole "Nobody likes someone who brags about themselves!" attitude... and that being "non-descript" was the appropriate way to conduct yourself in life.
Living in the US for 30+ years has certainly done a lot to help me let go of those old values... at least to some extent. But the old ghosts still whisper, from time to time: "Don't for a moment think you're anything special, because you're not..."
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A difficult this accepting praise we are programmed to always have someone better than us or to be insignificant. Your right people need to be proud of their talents but not cocky and this is a fine line.
My recently proud moment was getting a 2:1 in my degree (last year). After being told back in school I would not even get my G.C.S.E's (exams in uk when your about 16). To me a 2:1 is a first and I could not have wanted more. Considering the course nearly broke me mentally I'm fucking proud of myself 💯🐒
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It definitely is a fine line and it always depends on the person viewing also, some consider even a little happiness about ones own work being too proud.
What kind of 2:1 degree was that?
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Occupational Therapy I am working in mental health now. But it's too authoritarian for me love it but I have a plan, for my own venture 💯🐒
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En kyllä tiedä, mä oon aina ollu niin vaatimaton luonteeltani.
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Joku valehtelee, ja se en ole minä.
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Ylpeäkin olen vain vaatimattomuudestani ja valmiiksi nöyrä, itsensä nöyryyttäminen onkin muiden laji.
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That's an interesting take on your culture!
The last time I was proud of myself was when I published my first post here haha. All jokes aside, I am proud when I feel the need to be, but also know what are my flaws so I can work on them and be proud one day by turning them into virtues. :)
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Being proud of yourself is fine, boasting is gauche, if your shit is good then you don't really have to say so yourself do you? A culture of false modesty could feel obnoxious I guess but I am an American so I don't have to worry about that.
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Example: I am just glorious. no joke. i did, do and will do lots of cool stuff. I achieved stuff and will achieve stuff. Also i am insane in a fun way, crazy intelligent and talented as hell itself. Will it be fun or you if i were even more egocentric and proud of myself whenever we talk? Maybe not,. You don't know me, and probably don't believe even in the facts i have just wrote. Should i brag? And if I don't would you notice my pride? As Escapist said - hell is other people. I don't quite agree, but it fit's here. People judge what they see and they frequently don't care to gather all the facts fitting for proper opinion or judgement. May Your days be merry and bright!
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It's a start to know that you are awesome, next thing is to show it to others. I need a lot of convincing in general ;)
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so suddenly it appears that i am subtle:D. i can roll with that for a while. Just in case, try to be sensitive :D
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I try to be proud of myself as often as possible.
When I surpass my previous best, I look over my own shoulders with pride.
When the world refuses to clap for me, I'll give myself a standing ovation.
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I am daily proud of myself but i dont express to people, most of them struggle with routine, for me its enought i know about myself who i am.
You are the most important, you dont need to search approve or validation in anyone else or from people around you. This can be huge mistake and a road to self destruction.
Beeing proud of yourself sometimes its confused with arogance and many others bad qualities.
Diplomacy, humility will make you greater than beeing proud.
The only one who can be proud are the people around you, proud because they know you and to come from their decision not to implement :)
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I do not know if we will think neutrally and positively after understanding every post that invites us to think more deeply and broadly. however, I love your photo so beautiful.
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That is 180 degrees opposite than in Croatia.
The Croats are by default proud, mostly about things that have nothing to do with what they have actually achieved.
The biggest one, aside from being proud that they are Catholics, being that they are Croats.
Proud to be Croat
is the phrase every newborn learns first.And we have so many things to be proud of, by large we are:
conservative
uneducated
uncultured
primitive
next to last in just about any chart concerning life quality, human rights, education...
The only thing you have to be careful not to be proud in Croatia is about something you've actually done yourself.
All being said and done, I would traid Finish mentality in a hearth beat...
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I totally agree with you...we need to feel less ashamed of feeling proud of our achievements, because we'll just end up putting ourselves down otherwise. If we don't root for ourselves, then no one else is going to!
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I think this issue is all around the world, on a recent trip to turkey I thought I'd have some confidence in myself and walk and talk with confidence however family saw this as being prideful and proceeded to berate me.
When you get out of your shell or expose your true nature, some people are just going to take offence no matter what.
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