RE: A Short Story

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A Short Story

in writing •  7 years ago 

Hah! Pretty good, dude. Now I'm hungry for lamb treats!

The only problem that I noticed was gordon ramsey isn't capitalized in the first paragraph.

Also, after "TREATS!" it wasn't immediately clear that the treats were motivating him to risk jumping the lasers. Maybe mention the hunger in is belly or the tempting power of lamb treats motivating Gabe to make his escape?

writing
7 years ago by

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      ·  7 years ago 

    Ok. Good idea

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