Is it a gift or a curse?

Wow you are so creative. I wish I can be like you!

This is something I’ve heard most of my life. I am a YouTuber, Ex-Graphic Designer, Failed Entrepreneur, wonderer and now a streemit-er.

Ever since I was young I wanted to become an artist. I was proud that I could draw. I was proud that I think different. I wouldn’t say I stood out from the rest but I said to myself I am a special case . When you are young and silly it’s OK to think you are different. It makes you feel good. I didn’t had much expectations but to grow up and make comic books.

I discovered internet, discovered travelling, and discovered graphic design. I was thrilled. I thought my boss going to love my creative work. I am going to have a lot of paying clients. My artwork is going to sell and I am going to need a few bank accounts to store my cash. Well, it was a nice fantasy. It didn’t happen in real life. Well at least not yet. What did happen was, I am beginning to understand what is it really like to be an artist.

I had many personal project come my way. People were ready to pay a good amount of money to get their ideas designed on computer. Usually I start suggesting what would work creatively but it always get rejected. Instead of me offering my “creative” service it’s more like I am offering my ability to move the mouse cursor. The client would walk away bragging how good it turned out while the actual design look like a pink pile of shit. First I thought it’s the place I worked, then I thought it’s the profession I am in. After a while I realised it’s - me.

I started creating YouTube videos a few years back. Pretty soon, I became one of the top YouTubers in Sri Lanka. Then numerous agencies would call me to get commercials done. Just like my old graphic design days I would suggest how a creative idea can really make a difference. Only difference, this time I was able to predict the type of pink shit it’s going to look like.

After a few years in the creative industry now I understand the type of creative I am. I am the worst type. An artist.

Now I am beginning to question, is it a gift or is it a curse?