The most complete Chinese new year home Loading guide-----最全过年回家装逼指南

Why is it getting less and more annual now?

Because the new year became a spontaneous one.
No organization of deliberate and harass the people and waste money.

Compel the competition

The so-called hard work of the whole year, home loading for five or six days
During this period
Your position in the eyes of friends and friends
It really is

Three days is doomed, seven points by acting

Do you think I'd like to install it?
No way at all!!!

You might be able to rely on it before
The superiority of the big cities like the north and the North
RCC seven aunt eight aunt and the son of the old king next door

But it's getting harder and harder to make it this two years
You

Those who used to be in knowledge or education
The small city cousins who were all crushed
Now a set of buying and buying a house
I have long looked down on the big cities, and they have no higher prices.
You live in the renting room, you squeeze the subway every day

Facing such a harsh new year's environment
You, a second line city back to the young people

How is it graceful without any trace?

I'll teach you a few tricks today

The front foot has just arrived home
You will hear this question back

"How do you come back this year?"

Be careful, you must not take it lightly at this time
It looks like an ordinary greeting.
In fact, hidden behind the seven aunt and eight aunt to your strength of inspection

If at this time you just answer a silly answer
"Train"
They said that although the mouth tired it soon to have a good rest"
But in my heart you think you are a

The poor force that can't afford to buy a car

So even if you come back by train
And that's the way to say it

"I wanted to drive back
But it's too high at high speed
Then I would like to take a plane
It's just more than 1000 dollars for the ticket.
I didn't expect a ticket to be snatch
In the end, you can only get back to the high speed rail

Usually travel is an airplane
I didn't expect that our Chinese high speed rail was so fast
Where to go abroad (preferably in European countries)
Not so fast! "

Do you understand? You just have to put the top red word on it
With one that seems to be emphasizing
And the seemingly indifferent tone of voice
The first pass was passed gracefully

Then they will mainly attack your work

"What are you doing now?"

Believe me, you can't answer honestly at this time
But how vague it is
What is the height of what you say
It's better to list some professional terms that you don't understand.

For example, you are a civil engineer
Never say that you work on a site
So your seven aunt, eight aunt, will make up your brain.
You

You should say it is
Responsible for the overall planning and design of the project
And is responsible for monitoring the implementation and monitoring of safety and stability
Technical Engineer

And, for example, you're doing insurance
Never say it's insurance.
So your seven aunt and aunt will cover your wallet
Automatically make your brain a MLM
You

At this time you have to understand the packing
I am responsible for the optimization of private property
Maximize customer income
And improve the customer's ability to resist risk
Risk optimizer

Understand this routine
Even if you're a warehouse registrar
You should also say that you are
Resource management system terminal information officer

Even if you are underneath the overpass
And you have to pack yourself
High molecular compound on the surface of intelligent digital high end communication equipment
Linear processor

Finish the job
Next, ask your company

"What company is that you?"

You have to remember to face such unpleasant doubts
It's not a matter of conscience to lie.

If you have an iron bowl, you should report to your superior department.
Foreign companies must add the world's top 500
Private enterprises, newspaper holding party
A small company that is really not famous.
That's a big bull to work with.

In a word, pick up the names that the 1 billion 300 million people have heard.
You take up the commanding point of victory

The worst point is to ask the salary

"How much does a small X make a month?"

This unbounded sense of invasion of personal privacy
The main reason is to expose the fact that "I am a poor force"
Problems
I'm sure you can't answer it honestly

You can answer a word in a vague way
"Not much, just enough to live."
OK, no problem, a standard answer
But it can't play the slightest force.

The best answer should be this
First, the action is very flamboyant and gently hit each other
Wrinkle the eyebrows
"Oh please hush! It is annoying to mention this
It's a lot of money to pay taxes in every moonlight
Oh, I can't live.
I'm bored to death.

How
Is it elegant to lift the sky

If all of these are hidden from you
That's the last and most ruthless.

Marry

"Do you have an object?" When do you get married?
All grown up"

Although the OS in your heart is
"It's none of your business"
But for the past year, you still have to smile on your face

In this moment at a crucial moment
Never lose the power
To give a sense of superiority in the life of a big city

Talk about ideal -- promotion and raise for CEO
Work only, not family

Small target -- venture financing
Do not have time to marry and have children

Talk about the idea -- marriage late in big cities
Do not want to be tired by children

Of course, at this time, the cow can't be too big.
Or not CEO for two years
Business failed again, not even a target
It pops the face

So the most important thing is to compel
Know not overdo sth.

Of course, are we so easy to let them go?

And then it's going to be our home

Sangu, this year you hold grandchildren?"

"Four aunts, this year's stock must have made a lot of money."

"Little aunt, how much is the pensions?"

"Uncle, did the cousin get a job when he graduated?"

"Cousin, the little nephew of the end of the semester took the exam of the whole class?"

How, did you learn?

Did you save your life in time

Don't thank you.

@gmn

为什么现在越来越没有年味了?

因为过年早就变成了一场自发的
无组织有预谋的、劳民伤财的

装逼大赛

所谓辛辛苦苦一整年，回家装逼五六天
在这一期间
你在亲朋好友眼中的地位
真的是

三分天注定，七分靠演技

你以为我愿意装？
根本是没办法啊！！！

之前你或许还能靠着
生活在北上广这样的大城市带来的优越感
碾压七姑八姨和隔壁家老王的儿子

可这两年装起逼来越来越困难了
▼

那些从前无论在见识还是学历上
都惨遭碾压的小城表弟们
如今一套接一套买房
早就瞧不起在大城市赚着涨幅没有房价高的工资
住着合租房、每天挤地铁的你

面对这么严酷的过年环境
你，一个一二线城市回乡青年

如何优雅而不露痕迹地装逼呢？

今天就教你几招

前脚刚到家
后脚你就会听到这样的盘问

“今年怎么回来的啊？”

注意，这个时候千万不能掉以轻心
看似一句普通的问候
其实背后藏着的是七姑八姨对你实力的考察

如果这个时候你只是傻傻地回答一句
“坐火车”
她们嘴上虽然说着“那累坏了吧快好好歇歇”
心里却认为你是一个

买不起车的穷逼

所以就算你是坐火车回来的
也要这么说

“本来想自驾回来
可高速上太堵了
后来想坐飞机也可以
反正机票才1000多块钱
没想到一张票都没抢到
最后只能坐高铁回来

平时出行都是飞机
没想到咱们中国的高铁这么快
之前出国去哪里（最好是欧洲国家）的时候
都没有这么快！”

看懂了吗？你只要把上面加大标红的字
用一种似乎在强调
又似乎毫不在意的语气念出来
那第一关就算优雅地通过了

接下来他们会主要攻击你的工作

“现在在做什么啊？”

相信我，这个时候千万不能老老实实回答
而是怎么含糊就怎么说
什么高大上就说什么
最好是能罗列一些连自己都不懂的专业术语

比如你是个土建技术员
千万不能说自己在工地上班
这样你的七姑八姨就会自行把你脑补为
▼

你应该说成是
负责工程项目整体规划与设计
并负责监督执行及安全稳定性监测的
技术工程师

再比如你是做保险的
千万别说成是跑保险的
那样你的七姑八姨会捂住钱包
自动把你脑补成为传销分子
▼

这个时候你就要懂得包装
我是负责私人财产的优化配比
实现客户收益最大化
及提高客户抗风险能力的
风险优化师

懂得这个套路了吧
就算你是仓库登记员
也要把自己说成是
资源管理系统终端信息员

就算你是天桥下面贴膜的
也得把自己包装成
智能数字高端通讯设备表面高分子化合物
线性处理员

问完工作
接下来就要问你的公司

“你们那个是什么公司啊？”

你要记住，面对这么不怀好意的质疑
撒谎，就不算昧良心的事了

端铁饭碗的，要报自己的上级主管部门
外企，一定要加上世界500强
民营企业，报控股方
实在不出名的小公司
那就报自己合作过的大牛啊

总之捡那些13亿人都听过的名字往外扔
你就占据胜利的制高点了

最难过的一关，应该是问工资

“小x一个月赚多少啊？”

这种毫无边界感，侵犯个人隐私
主要是说出来就暴露了“我是个穷逼”事实
的问题
肯定不能老老实实回答啊

你可以含糊回答一句
“没多少，刚够生活”
OK,没有问题，标准答案
但起不了丝毫装逼的作用

最佳答案应该是这样的
先是动作十分浮夸地轻轻打对方一下
皱起眉头
“哎哟快别说了！一提这个事就心烦
每个月光交税就是一大笔
哎呀，简直活不下去了
烦死了烦死了”

怎么样
这一招是不是优雅到升天

这些如果都被你躲过去
那最后也是最狠地就要来了

催婚

“有对象没有？什么时候结婚？
都老大不小了”

虽然你内心的os是
“关你屁事”
可大过年的，你的脸上仍然要保持微笑

在如此千钧一发的时刻
气势上千万不能输
要摆出大城市生活的优越感来

谈理想——升职加薪出任ceo
只拼事业，不拼家庭

谈小目标——创业融资
没有时间结婚生孩子

谈理念——大城市普遍结婚晚
不想被孩子所累

当然，这个时候，牛逼不能装得太大
不然过两年既没出任ceo
创业又失败，连个对象都没有
就啪啪打脸了

所以装逼最重要的是
懂得适可而止

当然，我们这么容易就放过他们吗？

不。

接下来就要换到我们的主场了

“三姑，您今年抱着孙子了吗？”

“四婶，今年的股票一定赚了不少钱吧”

“小姨，退休金多少啊？”

“舅舅，表弟毕业找到工作了吗？”

“表姐，期末小外甥考了全班第几啊？”

怎么样，学到了吗？
是不是及时救了你一命
不用谢哦～

@gmn